Its day Blah Blah after both of the ….. actually let’s just say it’s Wednesday! Happy hump day folks. All I want to do is sleep today. And clearly I am over the word “surgery” don’t even whisper it to me – it honestly feels like you are screaming get f*&^$% right in my face😩!!! Last night my large gallbladder wound decided it would be a great idea to swell up a little more and hurt so that was uncomfortable and kept me awake!
Today I am giving my water bottle the stink eye – H2Overrated! I don’t want to “sip sip sip” every few minutes! The dietitian makes it sound easy to drink 2L a day. Yes okay tiny little person, who studied at university, to assist me, a member of planet fatty, to join your thin crew. I will just “sip sip sip” the water away. How I managed to withhold my sarcasm and not say “SCREW your SIP SIP SIP” I will never know!! Like most things – sip sip sip is easier said than done. I can drink 50ml at a time 😑
35 kilos down now. Still keen to crack the 100kilo mark in the next 2.5 weeks – and also to feel a lot better by then! Steve and I are going away for a weekend together 😍 for our 23rd wedding anniversary.
So everyone, I need to find something to do for a few days while I am still taking it easy! I need suggestions – not reading – I have read so much lately that my head could explode!
5 weeks today since gastric bypass. What a journey it has been. I should be excitedly getting ready to go back to work next week but instead I am now in the early days of recovering from yet another surgery. So what happened?
Two weeks post bypass I started experiencing pain in my right side and around towards my back. It wasn’t really something that I had never felt before and because so many parts of me were sore I thought it best to just ignore it and not be a panic merchant.
My history with weight loss surgery prior to the bypass was not great. Nerves and anxiety have been my daily and unfortunately nightly companions in the lead up to and since the bypass. The very last thing that I wanted was to contemplate that something may have been wrong. Two more weeks pass and I noticed that I was finding it hard to stand for any length of time. The pain in my right side felt worse, not better and my back continued to ache.
I reluctantly made an appointment with the GP last Tuesday and was sent for immediate X-rays and ultrasound of the area. Wednesday we had the results. My gallbladder was filled, not with stones, with sludge and had thickened and was extremely inflamed. So antibiotics would surely do the trick right? Well I started taking them and OMG. I can’t really explain what happened except that my body responded differently to how it used to. What was once a sensitivity to antibiotics turned into pooing 18-20 times a day. I stopped taking the antibiotics but by then it was too late.
Thursday morning I arrived to the hospital, at 8:30 am dehydrated and in agony. My weight loss surgeon and surgical specialist was out of the country, so another surgeon, (Mister George K) whom I had already met was called. He called in the infectious disease specialist doctor to try and work out what was going on with my bowel. Was it gastro, an infection, a bacteria, colitis? They called George at 10:30, by 11:00 George had arrived and was standing in the room as I was wheeled out of the CT scan! Yay for my hero Dr. George!! He told me that they were going to have to take out my gallbladder and try to work out what had caused the bowel to be like it was.
There was no way for me to stay hydrated while going to the toilet so much so I had to have IV fluids and they started treating me for a bacteria that could have been in my bowel. Thankfully it wasn’t that bacteria! But it still meant 3 days on antibiotics that made me sick and, I am still not 100% right in the number 2’s department but at least it’s not 18-20 times a day now.
What I have realised through this is how important it is to be well hydrated. I didn’t realise how much easier it would be for my body to become dangerously low on fluid post bypass. I am, in comparison to many, very lucky with how much I am able to drink!!
I also have to face the fact that antibiotics may be problematic for me in the future and getting the balance right for that will be a process of trial and error. I hate trial and error. The antibiotics from the GP for the gallbladder triggered the bowel episode 😞 and I can tell you I never ever want to go through that again.
I am recovering well, but it wasn’t simple or straight forward. The surgery has caused tummy swelling which has put pressure on my new tummy and made it so that my amounts of food are tiny again. Tiny means three teaspoons and I am full. So I will have to build that back up again and that is important because we don’t want the opening in my tummy to narrow from lack of appropriate food. In short, it’s been hard. I have no doubt that I’ll be fine but nothing about this has been easy.
The things we do for love! I feel like crap and I really can’t walk for too long without extreme pain BUT these kids deserve a day out so even if I can’t do a full day – I will do half a day and then go to the doctor for my results this afternoon.
It turns out that it wasn’t in my head, I find out tomorrow if I am heading back to the operating theatre. Doctor and then ultrasound and X-ray this afternoon ☹️ My gallbladder is not okay right now. This can happen after Gastric Bypass and massive, rapid weight loss. I am hoping that surgical intervention can be avoided but I will do what the specialist says. Obviously this is not what I wanted and even more obviously this is not what we needed as a family.
Dah da da daaaaaaaaah!!! 4 weeks tomorrow, four weeks tomorrow!! I love that each day that passes is a day further away from when I had surgery. Aaaaand its a day closer to being back at full capacity!! The wretched pain of yesterday is no where near as terrible today! I am still calling the doctor tomorrow concerning the pain I have had because there is a family history of gallbladder issues and Gastric Bypass can sometimes be a catalyst for issues. I am not looking for anything like that but it’s best to be safe.
This weekend has been really great. I have spent time with my family. Loved on my kids, and just generally enjoyed a nice slow pace. Tonight we caught up on a TV show together as a family that we haven’t watched for months. Just a normal weekend ♥️ and it feels good to be getting back to life.
I haven’t had a great eating day today. I had a gluten free up and go for breakfast, which did not sit right and caused me to reach for a zofran (anti nausea medication) I tried to have tuna at lunch – big big mistake!!! Tuna = EVIL and made me feel worse than the up and go. I am not sure how to describe to you what it feels like to have had gastric bypass because there is nothing that I can really use as something that is equivelant to the pain of a good not agreeing with me. I suppose it is something like the very worst heartburn you could ever have and feeling like you are experiencing something like a heart attack. It is enough to turn me off eating whatever it was that induced the feeling. I am grateful that I have not experienced any dumping which can also accompany gastric bypass – but then I have not eaten anything that is high in fat or sugar because I really hate being sick.
Tonight however, was fab! Steve cooked and made a slow cooked chicken dish and it was perfect. I added a dry fried egg to mine and a piece of chicken about half the size of my thumb but I ate it and I had no adverse side effects! Hooray! Right now I am getting ready for bed. Because I am taking my boys out tomorrow ♥️
I don’t know if I can do it but I am putting this goal out there!!
Goal 1 to crack the 100kg mark before our wedding anniversary in August. We are going away for a sneaky weekend together ALONE 😉😍♥️😍 8 more kilos off to hit that goal.
Goal 2 to be 80 kilos by Christmas
Goal 3 to be 65 kilos by my birthday next March!
Then to start planning my abdominoplasty with Mister Ian Holten for September 2019
This was my first meal of soft/non blended food! 1 egg, 1 tablespoon of chicken stew and 1 teaspoon of cheese. I ate 1/2 of it so that was 1/4 of a cup but hey I kept it down!
I have learned a lot in the last few weeks and one of the main things is that it takes a village – and I am so thankful to mine. I have been out of action for three and a half weeks – the duration of the school holidays. We warned the kids that these were going to be boring holidays. We told them that we wouldn’t be able to do much and that we would be spending most of our time at home. That is exactly what we have done and I know it has been boring for the kids but they really haven’t complained, have helped around the house and have generally been really understanding. I appreciate all that they have done for me.
Day 16 Post Op – in a bad mood 😑 Am I just Hangry? Is this my inner bitch breaking free of her pain induced silence? Could it be that I miss food? I suspect it has to do with struggling to eat much of anything and a bit of a blood sugar drop. Or at least this is what I am telling myself! I Only managed about a 1/3 of a cup of tomato soup for lunch and 1/2 cup of pumpkin purée with Kefir for dinner. I’ll try some protein powder in Kefir in a little while.
You know I’m not generally a procrastinator but I can be from time to time. I was a huge procrastinator when it came to dealing with the weight issue! I really wanted to pull the pin on the whole thing and eat a big burger or 3 the night before 🤭 – Oh food my love, how I miss you and the way that you warmly caressed my insides as you slid down into my plenteous belly hahaha!
In all seriousness though – I am glad that I went through with gastric bypass and I have just started looking in to the next phase. The fixing of the stomach – the removal of the mesh and removal of what I am guessing is going to be a whole LOT of loose skin! I guess now is the time to mention that I may need to sell my own soul to pay for it 😩 I got a quote from the specialist that I want to use today and it’s not going to be a cheap or easy fix!!
Day 15 post op – I woke up this morning pretty sure that I could take on the world, then I tried to roll over 😳 ugh not for the faint of heart when you just had your insides chopped and changed and a few bits fixed that you didn’t know needed fixing. I wandered into the bathroom and stumbled onto the scales, to discover that I am 20kg down from my highest weight. Wah ….. like actually “What The Heck” I am now the lightest weight that I have been since Lincoln was 6 months old. I am not gonna lie, I did a little victory dance right then and there – the dog popped his head around the corner of the bathroom and clearly decided that it was all too weird for him, so he left me to my celebration. That celebration was short lived however, as I tried to decide how I would consume 60 grams of protein a day. This is the amount that the surgeon wants me to eat. I am limiting carbs.
So these are the things that I can currently eat each day and I can have approximately 1/3 of a cup in total at one time. I am to eat three times a day.
There is 10grams of protein in 100 grams of scrambled egg – at the moment so could possibly eat 50 grams of it.
There is 14grams of protein in 1/2 a cup of cottage cheese. At the moment I can eat about 1/3 of a cup
There is 4grams of protein in 1/2 a cup of hummus
There is 6 grams of protein in 1/2 a cup of Kefir.
Obviously, without a protein powder I am NOT reaching 60 grams of Protein a day – soooooooo now I must delve into the scary world of protein supplements 😳 and also find one that is gluten free and that is not a meal replacement as that has too many calories.
A few people have congratulated me on taking the easy way to deal with my weight 😑 I politely perform a rude hand gesture to them in my mind as they spout their ill-advised dribble in my direction. The facts are, there is never going to be an easy way out for me. Because I have abused my body in the past with long periods of starvation, my body thinks it’s fun to hold on to it’s fat. Without enough protein going in, my body could do that again. So at the moment we have to work out how to get my fat cells to give up their plentious bounty 😂 Telling my fat to be gone doesn’t work (I’ve begged it to bugger off in the past)
I am going to have fun for the next few weeks working out how to eat enough of everything. I see the dietitian on Friday – I know that she is a well learned young lady but she also told me that I should have benefiber – which is made of wheat…. she also knows that I have Coeliac so I have decided that I have to check and double check everything she says. In the mean time give me your proteiny ideas xx
I wasn’t 100% sure about sharing this part of my journey but meh – I have been open about everything else so here goes.
Food has been a bit of a friend to me, albeit a bad friend. Food was something that I turned to in times of stress or anxiety. Most of us now know and acknowledge the chemical response in the body to food. That calming sense of well-being became a friend to me as a child when things happened to me that were beyond my control. Yes years later I confronted my abuser, but the abuse that I have inflicted upon myself – triggered by the past – has become my lifelong fight.
I was anorexic by the age of 11 and by the time I was 14 I had developed bulimia. I haven’t had a bulimic episode for about 10 years now. The thoughts have still come from time to time but there is a huge difference between thinking of something and acting on it.
Do you know that gastric bypass is not a cure all – it is possible to stay fat, gain weight and make poor food choices after bypass? For the rest of my life I have to knowingly and thoughtfully make good choices. Slider foods are real – they are things that you can eat that will go down easily and are not good for you. I seem to have little to no restriction when it comes to drinking so I am fairly sure that it would be possible for me to make poor choices if I wanted to but I don’t want to because I have realised a lot about myself over the past two or three years! When your substance of choice is one that is needed to keep you alive ….. well it isn’t like you can just quit it! It becomes complex dealing with a food addiction, BUT I know that it is different for me this time around. I know that I am different this time.
At 41 I have finally come to grips with the things that have happened to me and I am comfortable in my own skin. I have decided that while I remain imperfect and flawed, this doesn’t mean have less value – this would seem a simple lesson – but when you are filled with a sense of self loathing it is not that easy to see clearly! For me, suddenly the fog lifted and for the first time in so many years I am happy to make choices for my own good and I am grateful for all of the changes that have happened in my life.
The next thing is a change of direction work wise and then returning to my passions. I am going to be working on my fitness and once I hit a certain weight I am starting back taking adult dance classes again. For no reason other than I miss it so much. In other words – I feel like I am waking up from a long long sleep. Returning to the things I love and being kind to myself for a change. This is the difference that hope makes, it is the reason that I WILL celebrate each milestone because I am beating a lifelong addiction one day at a time. #gastricbypass #onedayatatime