Change hurts. There is no two ways about it. It does not feel pleasant to change everything about ones life. It just doesn’t – but there is a strange comfort that can come from this kind of pain. It lets me know that I am alive. For years and years I did everything within my power to numb my pain. I over ate to numb myself to the pain that I was carrying around in my heart and when I couldn’t shove that volume of food into myself anymore I found that all of that pain came bubbling towards the surface. What a suckfest that was! But the wonderful thing about that situation is that it was a chance!
Sometimes all we need is a chance and that is exactly what I needed – a chance to reevaluate – a chance to change. I have now decided that I am used to being uncomfortable and I rather like it. Yes, I do like the way it hurts! I am in a state of renovation at the moment – both inside and outside. What about you? What are you learning lately that is revolutionising your life?
Strange things happen when you lose a lot of weight! Your social circle changes, your life takes on a different feel and if you happen to be like me and you love to share about your day to day life on social media – well ….. let’s just say that there are some pitfalls!
My favourite comedic pitfall so far seems to be the unwanted messages from random, strange men via Instagram. When I reply to their generic, droll narrative with the fact that I am married and with my age, 42 years old, I am inevitably met with “well age is just a number” Ummmm WOW – did you work hard to come up with that startling revelation? Age IS a number but I don’t need the validation of any man to let me know that I am okay at my age! I worked out that I am much more than a number a long, long time ago! I am not okay in spite of my age!! I am great because of it! But here is one for those who are convince that Age is just a number – Age matters! And here is why!
I am not saying that I am better or worse than anyone else because of my age! What I am saying is that my cumulative experiences have taught me a hell of a lot over the last 42 years! I am an expert in me! I know that I LOVE coffee first thing in the morning, I know that Pear Cider Spiders SHOULD be a thing! I know that I need silence every day to feel a sense of peace and balance in my emotions, I know what delights me and I know what and whom drain me of all energy. I know exactly how much I love to be challenged by people that I allow to speak into my life. I am great at ignoring unsolicited opinions and I know the traits that make me turn tail and run from situations and people.
Age has taught me to know what is worth fighting for and I have finally learned when to lay down my sword. I know that if you happen to hurt those I love, I will NEVER again trust you even if I do forgive. I know that I am fundamentally flawed and imperfect in every single way. I also know that I am okay with that. That even in my imperfections and through my flaws that I am a good, kind, loving human being.
Age has taught me so many things and those years mean something to me. I wear those years with pride and with a grateful heart. My wrinkles don’t need to be excused, my stretch marks don’t need to be overlooked. I am fabulously marred by my life and I would not change it. Look at me and you can see my story and if you don’t – well that’s a reflection of you and not me. To me, my age is the sum of my life experiences and THAT is exactly why it does matter.