HMMMMmmmmmm where to begin? The last post that I wrote was titled – the beginning and I have found in life that when we determine that we are going forward, moving past something, starting something new or just generally extricating our finger and doing something that is wholly worthwhile and, dare I say, brave or enterprising, that you will – not might – WILL have things come up to take your focus. Today has been a focus taker. Today I have felt myself grappling with the fog of my own emotions. I feel like a fraud and a failure – I also know that this feeling is temporary. I know that by tomorrow I will feel like I can do whatever I set out to do. I know that my heart will be in a better place after a little sleep 🛏 😴 💤 some food, a tiny dose of reflection and some hugs with my kids but right now that feeling is real and I am letting myself feel it.
There is a difference between allowing myself to be totally overwhelmed by my emotions and my anxious thoughts and sitting with them for a while. When I was obese I would feel those anxious feelings start to rise so I would take myself to the refrigerator and start eating. Eating enough allowed that chemical process to start in my brain and suddenly I could feel myself calming down. Now when I feel the anxiety start to rise I allow myself to feel it, ask myself if it is truly a concern or if I am blowing it up in my mind and once I answer that I work my way through my emotions around it. Sometimes I walk, sometimes I write, sometimes I sing, sometimes I cry and sometimes I am an insufferable bitch for 5 minutes while I try to sort it all out. What I am not now, is the person who pushes my emotions aside or the person that eats them.
Not eating my emotions has made me so much happier. I allow myself to be truly joyful these days. Sure, life is not perfect. I can own that! But hey, whose life is perfect? If you find that unicorn person please let me know, or if you are that unicorn person then PLEASE contact me because I need to know all your secrets! In my experience there are hard things that are going on but EVERYONE has those things. We are all like the rest of us and the older I get the more I realise that I can take great comfort in knowing that it will be okay and that there are good things to enjoy every single day of our lives. Sometimes it might take a little bit of digging to find them but I promise that they are there. I am opening my eyes today to intentionally look for them.