How strange is life right at this moment. I am lying on my bed contemplating life’s big questions. Should I go outside and work out again today? Should I clean all my windows…. oh wait – I already did that. Should I clean my bathrooms – oh wait I already did that. Should I bake up a storm – meh, that just means that my family would be saying “MUM STOP COOKING” again!! Then there are the questions that I ask myself like “Should I go and lie on the front lawn and try to talk to people that may pass by because I am so flipping bored out of my mind?” “Should I start collating all of my Weight Loss Surgery experiences into some kind of order?”
And then there is that part of me that realises that I probably need to slow down – stop even and just let myself do nothing for a while. Since my episode in the hospital with my heart I have struggled a bit. Well actually I have struggled a lot. I have felt myself doing what I really am quite good at doing – disconnecting. I have been flinging up walls left and right. Iso/stage 3 lockdown in Victoria starts tonight and the social distance thing has taught me something about myself, a lesson that I learned over 23 years ago but did not walk in at the time.
I love solitude. I am a social creature and I love that too but I could happily live a really simple life. I am saddened that over the years I have added layer upon layer of complexity to our existence and I can say that we are making plans to change all of that. We all know that we cannot go back in time and there is no point in harbouring a heart full of regret so I have been spending lots of my days just letting things go. It feels good, it is cathartic and I feel lighter than I have in a long time. Climbing out from under the weight of the opinions and words of others will be the most wonderful jail break!
So – what will I be at the end of this? Well I imagine that I will be what I was always intended to be. A happy, nature loving, plant eating, fresh air craving, hard working Mumma with a newly defined compass that unswervingly points me towards what truly matters.