Disconnected

How strange is life right at this moment. I am lying on my bed contemplating life’s big questions. Should I go outside and work out again today? Should I clean all my windows…. oh wait – I already did that. Should I clean my bathrooms – oh wait I already did that. Should I bake up a storm – meh, that just means that my family would be saying “MUM STOP COOKING” again!! Then there are the questions that I ask myself like “Should I go and lie on the front lawn and try to talk to people that may pass by because I am so flipping bored out of my mind?” “Should I start collating all of my Weight Loss Surgery experiences into some kind of order?”

And then there is that part of me that realises that I probably need to slow down – stop even and just let myself do nothing for a while. Since my episode in the hospital with my heart I have struggled a bit. Well actually I have struggled a lot. I have felt myself doing what I really am quite good at doing – disconnecting. I have been flinging up walls left and right. Iso/stage 3 lockdown in Victoria starts tonight and the social distance thing has taught me something about myself, a lesson that I learned over 23 years ago but did not walk in at the time.

I love solitude. I am a social creature and I love that too but I could happily live a really simple life. I am saddened that over the years I have added layer upon layer of complexity to our existence and I can say that we are making plans to change all of that. We all know that we cannot go back in time and there is no point in harbouring a heart full of regret so I have been spending lots of my days just letting things go. It feels good, it is cathartic and I feel lighter than I have in a long time. Climbing out from under the weight of the opinions and words of others will be the most wonderful jail break!

So – what will I be at the end of this? Well I imagine that I will be what I was always intended to be. A happy, nature loving, plant eating, fresh air craving, hard working Mumma with a newly defined compass that unswervingly points me towards what truly matters.

18

My eldest son was 18 today. Having a birthday during a pandemic with level 2 lock downs was not the most fun type of situation. We tried our very best to make up for what he is missing out on and I think that we did a pretty great job. Not perfect but pretty great! We had Zoom parties and ate meals together. I cooked the meals that he asked for and we had a couple of quiet drinks.

During the course of the day a number of his friends made their way over and dropped gifts for him at our front door. They would stand on the front lawn while practicing appropriate social distancing and talk to each other. It did my heart good to see their kindness, so I can only imagine how it must have felt for our son to know that his friends were thinking of him.

I love you my son – I am so proud of you. No pictures posted – everyone who wanted to be part of his birthday made their sentiments known to him 💕💕