I would like to say more but right now I really can’t!
I won’t lie – I love this hard!!
Almond milk pink Pitaya latte with Tasteless protein and it is delicious on this chilly Geelong Morning!! I am cutting back on my caffeine (not giving up just scaling back) and decided to make this recipe that one of my older sons adapted for our youngest! This was made as follows!
In your tiny little saucepan add your 3/4 of a cup of protein almond milk and add a scoop of Feel Good Tasteless protein. Add 2 teaspoons of Pure Botany Pink Pitaya Powder a sprinkle of cinnamon, sprinkle of ground ginger, sprinkle of cardamom, sprinkle of all spice and a sprinkle of nutmeg. Heat until desire temperature and drink 💗💗
The pink Pitaya powder I use is from http://www.purebotanypurveyor.com
Over the last little while I have been working on things that make me happy. Things that bring joy into my life and focusing my time and attention on them. I think I have been doing this to distract myself from the fact that my surgery is just 4 sleeps away – YIKES!!!!! Recently I have been asked quite a lot of times why I need more skin surgery and this is seriously a fair enough question. The fact is that I am only 3 kilos lighter now than I was when I had my skin surgery 18 months ago! Soooooooooooo it isn’t because I have lost a hell of a lot more weight. It isn’t because of what I eat and don’t eat. It is because I was super morbidly obese and this is what my damaged skin looks like. This is my reality and it is just a part of how I am. Something that makes me happy is the thought that after this surgery I will be a little less saggy than I am today. I would like to have just a bit smoother skin – I know I won’t be perfect but a little bit smoother would be very nice. I like to try and imagine what it will be like to be able to fit my arms into clothes without folding my skin into them.
Another thing that makes me happy is looking after myself. I spent so many years locked in a cycle of self loathing and hatred and being cruel to myself that I never ever did nice things for me. Those days have ended and I like to now make myself really nutritious little meals that bring joy to my heart! I find that this has been part of a healing process for me. Finally taking care of myself physically has certainly coincided with losing that level of toxic hatred of myself that used to always simmer away inside me. The things that I like to make the biggest fuss over is breakfast. I think that has probably been intentional on my behalf because I always ignored that meal. I have grown a big love for smoothie bowls and making my food look at taste as appealing as possible is helping me to care on a daily basis about the way I am nurturing myself! Who knew I would ever care about this kind of thing! But I do!! What are your favourite breakfast ideas?
I share a lot more of my food ideas on my instagram which is myweightlosssurgery.life so feel free to follow if you would like more pics and I get my pretty powders from http://www.purebotanypurveyor.com
Something that I will admit I still find quite strange, is the fact that I am able to accidentally lose weight! Prior to RNY this NEVER happened. I found with everything in me to be even 1 kilo lighter and if that did happen I felt like I was on top of the world!! These days I can easily find myself 2 or 3 kilos lighter in the space of a week if I do not pay really close attention to all of the relevant nutrition things. I increased my protein this week ahead of my surgery because I want to really heal well and very quickly. I have been doing this slowly for a month or two but I upped it again and BANG off came 2 kilos in two days. This is the balancing act that I am constantly faced with. The fact that we need protein to be healthy but it causes rapid weight loss for me. I feel like it is a continual cycle that I am stuck in and not a nice one to be honest but the reality is that most of the time it is okay. It is just at times like this when I struggle with it all.
This morning the hospital called me just got go through things with me ahead of next Wednesday. I also paid my anaesthetist. In addition to paying him I emailed him to let him know about the fact that I do feel quite anxious this time around. Considering this will be surgery number 28 and I have never spoken to my gas doctor prior to the day before probably says a lot about how I feel. Undoubtedly more will follow but in the mean time I am trying to keep a good attitude going!!
I have had some super mixed feelings about going ahead with this second round of plastics.
I do have major misgivings about the whole thing. I think that is probably very very normal and a natural thing to feel anxious over. I am not keen at all on the idea of bleeding again. It makes me super nervous and that is just the cold hard reality of my situation. But, in spite of all of my misgivings I am going ahead. My surgery is booked for the 28th of April and I am excited and terrified at the same time.
Tomorrow morning I have my consult with my plastic surgeon and I am going to ask him 5 million questions. I have been sitting down today compiling a list of what I want to ask because I think that it is reasonable to have a lot of concerns and to need some reassurance at this point. These are the things that I am going to ask.
- Can you please draw me up right now as if surgery was today because I need to know what the plan is going forward.
- After the bleed that I had last time, the returning to surgery in the middle of the night and all of the fear that I experienced I need to know how likely it is that that could happen again.
- The blood vessel that caused the bleeding last time – could the same thing happen with that one again.
- Where will my arm scars be and can you draw them on me please so I can understand what to expect.
- My side boob is the part of me that I am the most uncomfortable with – how much of that will be removed because I HATE it.
- Where are you taking the fat from to put into my boobs?
- How long will the surgery take?
- How long will I be in hospital
- Will I have a drain in and if so how long will I need the drain for (( I know if I need one that you cant give me exact times and just a ballpark is fine)
- Will I have a catheter in because I am scared of getting up too soon if I need to pee?
What else should I be asking do you think?
Well, here we go! Counting down until I am having surgery 😳😳. Last night I decided to take the pictures that I have been dreading. I sort of felt like I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t just making a bigger deal of my skin than it actually is. Gosh self doubt can be a horrible thing. These pictures were for me. I mean this in the kindest possible way but no one else’s opinion of my skin will influence or define my thoughts on it. I care about the thoughts of those that will help me to recover post operatively but I am only influenced in this by what I believe is going to be best for my long term health. I have to live in this body and so have to know what is best for it and be responsible for the choices I make.
When I last saw my plastic surgeon a few months ago he said to me “when we do your bum and thighs ……” because they are as wrinkly as my front is …. and I know that he is coming from a place of wanting me to look as good as possible considering the years of abuse I subjected my body to via food! However, I can’t, at this point, imagine that I will reach a place in myself where I will ever want to have those areas of my body done. That is the reality. Reconstructive plastic surgery is a big deal and the recovery is hard. The more I have learned about the recovery etc the more positive I am that the higher the weight and the more weight that was lost the harder the reconstructive work may be and also the longer and more complex the recovery. So that must be accounted for!
In truth I am melted, imperfect and marred by the life I have lived. I look somewhat melted naked but I am pretty fucking glorious in this state. I am okay with how I look – I just want to be able to avoid belly button infections and skin break downs and hopefully not catch my arm skin on things!! So that seems like a fairly reasonable request to me.
Yesterday was Easter Sunday and it was a hard day. I spent most of it outside in the yard. I needed to do something different to stop myself and that seems to be a great strategy for me if I am starting to focus on unhelpful thoughts. Probably the fact that I have been sick for nearly a month has not helped much! I have been feeling quite down and that can lead to feeling a little bit lonely. Often times I tend to forget that I have autoimmune conditions and weird blood sugar dramas! I want to be able to feel like a “normal” person and will push myself to be that, until my body does what it has for the last two weeks. My tipping point is much easier to arrive at than it used to be. That frustrates me! I had antibiotics for two weeks for a condition and just when I seemed to be improving, I think I allowed stress to get on top of me again. So I am staring down the barrel of my 4th week on antibiotics with the addition of an inhaler for 6 weeks for my sinuses and a week of prednisone 😟
So instead of going to church after Easter Sunday Breakfast, I allowed my kids current feelings around that issue to be heard and even more importantly – to hold some weight. So, we sat at home – enjoying time in the back yard together.
As the afternoon went on and I got to thinking about more and more of the situations surrounding some difficulties that I have been facing, it became clearer and clearer why I have been holding back. I have always been my own harshest critic and I have realised that once again fear was probably what has been holding me back!
So I decided to get really clear about my why for this surgery and what I am planning to do after it is over. This enabled me to give myself a kick in the pants because I needed one!!
1. I want to be free of skin related issues going into the future.
2. I want to be able to avoid pain when exercising.
3. I want to be able to look better in clothes rather than always bulgy and bumpy.
4. I want to remove my excuses.
So with all of that in mind I decided that I needed some new pics – here they are. 18 months post ETT with Muscle Repair, mons lift, breast lift, breast reduction and fat transfer.
What is planned for my revision surgery is FDL revision of my Tummy tuck, extended arm lift dealing with side boob skin and fat transfer.
The morning after the day before! How are we all doing? I vividly remember how crappy I felt my first easter after WLS. I was nearly 9 months post op, my life on a personal level had fallen apart in a particular area, Steve had just been diagnosed with an autoimmune condition, I had just started a new job and I right around that time I fell into the worst depression I have ever had. Looking back on that time I know that my body was a hormonal chemical factory. I was losing roughly 12 kilos a month at that point and between that and the stress that was going on behind the scenes I really had no time to think about how I was going to manage Easter. I sat staring at everyone else’s eggs and I wanted to cry. Carbs over 12 grams make me dump so most chocolate was out, artificial sweeteners made me dump back then so I was seriously limited even in the no sugar chocolate department. In addition to my unfun RNY limitations, I also have coeliac disease, so I couldn’t even enjoy a tiny piece of hot cross bun. I remember sitting down after plastering a fake smile across my face and smiling through the morning for the sake of my kids, and crying my eyes out in my bedroom. I avoided cooking that day, and I just generally was aware of everything that I felt like I was missing out on. This is me being honest about how I felt. I didn’t express these feelings to anyone – I just went on and felt like the most horrible person in the world because in my head I was angry and resentful that everyone else could have the things that I wanted to have and it felt really unfair that I couldn’t do that too. By contrast, yesterday was okay. I have done a lot of work to get past those unhealthy feelings that I had around food. Food is not the focus of my life anymore. It is a great and wonderful way to fuel my body but I don’t think about it day and night. I had two little noshu protein chocolates that I made myself throughout the day and just had my normal meals. I had a couple of drinks and I understand the implications of my food and drink choices these days. The heavens didn’t fall in and I didn’t end up crying in my room over food that I felt like I couldn’t eat so that is a big relief. I don’t use food as a treat anymore. I also don’t think of food as good or bad particularly. I have a certain macro profile that I want to hit each day – its that simple. I make my meals up around that and that has really helped me to have a better relationship with food because, in reality, I now have a better relationship with myself and I understand what food is and what it isn’t. I don’t want to hurt me anymore. I want my body to be as strong and well as it can be so I give it what it needs. I am also really glad that I have not woken up this morning feeling the need to eat every bit of chocolate in the house because I have had years like that too but usually that is because I didn’t let myself have anything on the day so I would then just binge like a mofo for weeks afterwards. There is so much to be said for being kind to yourself. For giving ourselves good and healthy boundaries and ways to navigate important holidays and celebrations. Talk to our teams to get hints and ideas. Talk to others that are journeying well and come up with a plan so that we aren’t blind sided at the time but you know what if you are feeling like you have stuffed up majorly over the weekend DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. If you had some things you wouldn’t normally have, just start fresh from now. Weight loss surgery and the life that follows is a transformation process and processes take time. We don’t have to be perfect, we don’t have to feel ashamed, we can be proud just coz! You are all amazing. Love Tash
Ugh what can I say. Effort and so much planning but it didn’t really go how I was hoping it would. Oh well – perhaps next year will be better and less vomity.
The day started out beautifully I spent hours and hours outside. Then we had dinner plans and that was where everything fell apart but at least there was a bit of fun in there I guess.
My joy and love for pretty things has hit full force! I am a bit obsessed with smoothie bowls over the past few months and I also have quite a fascination with cute tiny spoons 🤣 I have found that rather than skipping breakfast, if I bother to actually make an effort for myself then I don’t miss breakfast and I want to eat it because it looks so good! Sometimes I make the base from my favourite VLCD shake and sometimes I just blend banana and my fav yoghurt and collagen protein powder together – but whichever way it tastes so good. I have even used the powders in chia pots and in overnight oats! 🤤🤤 I kind of feel like eating stunning blue or purple food should mean that it is full of fake things but it doesn’t mean that at all!!! It is powdered superfoods. I am in love with pure botany blue spirulina and it’s actually available on Amazon 💕 I am also a bit obsessed with their Acai powder!!