The things that make me happy

Over the last little while I have been working on things that make me happy. Things that bring joy into my life and focusing my time and attention on them. I think I have been doing this to distract myself from the fact that my surgery is just 4 sleeps away – YIKES!!!!! Recently I have been asked quite a lot of times why I need more skin surgery and this is seriously a fair enough question. The fact is that I am only 3 kilos lighter now than I was when I had my skin surgery 18 months ago! Soooooooooooo it isn’t because I have lost a hell of a lot more weight. It isn’t because of what I eat and don’t eat. It is because I was super morbidly obese and this is what my damaged skin looks like. This is my reality and it is just a part of how I am. Something that makes me happy is the thought that after this surgery I will be a little less saggy than I am today. I would like to have just a bit smoother skin – I know I won’t be perfect but a little bit smoother would be very nice. I like to try and imagine what it will be like to be able to fit my arms into clothes without folding my skin into them.

Another thing that makes me happy is looking after myself. I spent so many years locked in a cycle of self loathing and hatred and being cruel to myself that I never ever did nice things for me. Those days have ended and I like to now make myself really nutritious little meals that bring joy to my heart! I find that this has been part of a healing process for me. Finally taking care of myself physically has certainly coincided with losing that level of toxic hatred of myself that used to always simmer away inside me. The things that I like to make the biggest fuss over is breakfast. I think that has probably been intentional on my behalf because I always ignored that meal. I have grown a big love for smoothie bowls and making my food look at taste as appealing as possible is helping me to care on a daily basis about the way I am nurturing myself! Who knew I would ever care about this kind of thing! But I do!! What are your favourite breakfast ideas?

I share a lot more of my food ideas on my instagram which is myweightlosssurgery.life so feel free to follow if you would like more pics and I get my pretty powders from http://www.purebotanypurveyor.com

ACCIDENTAL WEIGHT LOSS

Something that I will admit I still find quite strange, is the fact that I am able to accidentally lose weight! Prior to RNY this NEVER happened. I found with everything in me to be even 1 kilo lighter and if that did happen I felt like I was on top of the world!! These days I can easily find myself 2 or 3 kilos lighter in the space of a week if I do not pay really close attention to all of the relevant nutrition things. I increased my protein this week ahead of my surgery because I want to really heal well and very quickly. I have been doing this slowly for a month or two but I upped it again and BANG off came 2 kilos in two days. This is the balancing act that I am constantly faced with. The fact that we need protein to be healthy but it causes rapid weight loss for me. I feel like it is a continual cycle that I am stuck in and not a nice one to be honest but the reality is that most of the time it is okay. It is just at times like this when I struggle with it all.

This morning the hospital called me just got go through things with me ahead of next Wednesday. I also paid my anaesthetist. In addition to paying him I emailed him to let him know about the fact that I do feel quite anxious this time around. Considering this will be surgery number 28 and I have never spoken to my gas doctor prior to the day before probably says a lot about how I feel. Undoubtedly more will follow but in the mean time I am trying to keep a good attitude going!!