Oat Donuts

I adore this recipe!!! I was scrolling the Interwebs looking for food inspiration and happened upon the oat flour crazes that are all over TikTok!

The next morning I made baked oats for the kids and a thing started! They were in love And I had to make it every single day… (that is a recipe for another day) but it sparked a thought about a vague memory of a mini donut maker that was gifted to us so I went hunting and found it!! And these were born!!

The protein Powder that I use is called Tasteless by Feel Good and it is from Costprice Supplements

The Fruit Powders that I use are from http://www.purebotanypurveyor.com.

Anyway here is the recipe for you two different ways.

Body Shaming

I have lived with the concept of body shaming for pretty much my ENTIRE 44 years of life.

So what is body shaming? Well it is fairly simply defined like this “The practice of making negative comments about a persons body shape or size”. That my friends IS the definition of body shaming. We are, of course, allowed to have our opinions but expressing those opinions about someone to them – well that is just not okay! We are not experts on other peoples bodies and commenting about their body to them is a dick move. It is unkind, it is unneeded and unwarranted attention. In a world where we can and should chose to lift others up and be kind – we really should banish this type of shitty behaviour.

As a child I was subjected to it over and over, in my dancing life I was subjected to it over and over, in my teens I was subjected to it over and over and as an adult it has been the same. I will never forget attending an indoor cricket game with my husband when we were pregnant with our first child. I wanted to be there to cheer for my partner, but soon regretted that choice when someone from the opposing team called me “Hippo hips”. I was 6 months pregnant and felt like crap anyway. I often smirk to myself and think how differently that whole interaction would have played out if it was to happen now. The thing about body shaming is that usually the people that are targeted by it have had years of it and they are beaten down and it is easier to just ignore it than call people out on it. That was my response to it for years. While I was a big person I just wanted to melt into the floor every time someone made a snide remark or pointed out my size but that person doesn’t live here anymore.

THAT . SHIT . IS . NOT . OKAY!!! It is NOT normal behaviour to make negative comments about the appearance of others. Words have the power to do incredible things and using them to wound other people does not make you funny, smart, superior or right, what it makes you is a foolish, judgemental person. I have been called just about every revolting name in the book and for so many years I allowed those words to actually hold me hostage. They found their way into my heart and into my internal monologue that I used to talk to myself with. You know the things that we say to ourselves when no one else can hear us. The way that we truly feel about ourselves – Well I allowed those things that were so often said to me in the past to hold me hostage in my life. Those thoughts and opinions of others became more real to me than the fact that I knew that even though I was a big person I had value and that I was loved. I felt ashamed, unworthy of love, unworthy of a good life, undeserving of good things because I was big. That was and is a TOTAL LIE. Please for the love of all things good, and wholesome, never believe that you deserve less because of your body type, or size. You are incredible as you are. If you want to change your outward appearance for whatever reason, then great, if you don’t want to then great but don’t believe, like I did, that your appearance makes you more or less worthy. You are wonderful just as you are.

Last night I was skinny shamed online. This has happened a number of times. People think it is okay to comment on my appearance. Yes I am thin – that was the point of what I went through. I am within the healthy weight range for my height. My medical team have no concerns and they are the only people that I have given authority to speak into my life concerning my size. For me, I was heading to an early grave because of obesity related complications so Weight loss surgery saved my life and my life was worth saving. I was worthy then, I was beautiful then, I was worth celebrating then! I was worthy at my biggest and I am still worthy at my smallest and everywhere in between. No one, and I mean “no one” gets to make comments on my body without a response these days. I will not tolerate it anymore. Not because I feel like I am better than I used to be, but because I will not be voiceless. I will stand up to people who believe it is okay to shame others because you can be damned sure if they are shaming me, they are also shaming someone else who may not have a voice yet, who may feel so terrible about themselves because of everything else that they have been through in the past that they are not in a position to stand up for themselves. So the moral of the story is – if it isn’t kind, if it doesn’t build up, if it won’t leave the person better than when you found them, then DON’T SAY IT! Do not comment negatively on other peoples bodies. It is not your right to make others feel bad about themselves.

Some of the things I have been called
Some of the things I have been called
What I was then 🙌🏻💗🙌🏻
What I will always be – regardless of my size

Day 17

Some days I try to forget that I have an autoimmune condition and I try to forget that I have non diabetic reactive hypoglycaemia and that I have just had major surgery. I probably shouldn’t have stood in the rain watching my boy play football this morning but old habits die hard.

The older my children get the more grateful I am for every moment a I have with them. It is a privilege to be able to be there and cheer for our kids. The busy days will come to an end eventually and I chose to be thankful in the middle of this busy season of life. The number of years that we get to do this, the footy games, late night pick ups, Coles runs in the middle of the night, blanket days and all of those wonderful things is limited. I wish I understood that better when I was younger but thankfully I am so very aware of it now.

So, this morning I did go and stand in the rain and watch my boy play the game he loves. I didn’t miss a moment and seeing his joy, seeing his eyes scan the boundary and smile when he saw me – well that makes it worthwhile!!!

So I came home and fell in a heap for a little while. I had to change my dressings and shower which is exhausting! But it is all done now and I just got up and made a mess of dinner. I am thankful that I will be quickly forgiven!! I have lost 3 kilos since my surgery :/ which is a complete accident but this may be my new normal as I don’t know how much skin was removed. So tonight I am going to snuggle on the lounge with my boys and Dazza’s beautiful girlfriend and breathe in the moment!

Arm before surgery
And now

My family – my heart

I love these children of mine more than I have words to express and when one of them hurts I hurt too.

I have spoken about my previous plastic surgery through my own eyes many times on this blog. I can usually articulate my own feelings because they are mine. However you will be very hard pressed to find posts concerning the thoughts of my children. Just because it have chosen to write and have a social media presence, does not mean that they want the same thing. So I keep them out of my narratives for the most part but today is a little different. This is kind of long so bear with me!

One of the things that I have let go of over the last few years is the idea of the perfect family. I know some people have the appearance of that but I/we do not. I won’t pretend to be something I’m not and I do not want or expect that of my children. I won’t be plastically put together and present fake smiles. We used to be that and it was toxic. I have apologised to my kids for it and I have also promised them that I will never ever be that again.

The first hint of this change happened when we were pregnant with our youngest child. We walked away from the life we had wanted up to that point. There were a lot of factors involved but the main reason was because of the pressure it put on me during a complicated pregnancy and because we didn’t want our children to live their teen years with judgemental religious eyes on them. We have never regretted that choice.

Today, in truth, our family will be the one with Dad looking on a little bit oblivious to the going’s on around him, while I roll my eyes and the kids are either flipping each other off, bickering, playing pranks or totally engrossed in doing something together. There is joy in our perfect imperfection. I love that we don’t put on a face for the world anymore and if I am going to be really honest – I’m “mum” in this situation, so it would be hard to scrape perfection together because I’m just not. I am also no longer narcissistic enough to think it’s a good thing to present that kind of perfect image to the world. I will not try to control my kids emotions or tell them how they must be. They are doing a wonderful job of questioning and learning and growing into the people that they want to be and I love them as they are. They have been through some awful shit and they keep being resilient and I am proud of them. It’s not that I don’t care about others because I do, but I do not give any fucks at all what someone else thinks of my family.

The start of the truly radical shift did begin with my WLS but it came to a head after my near death experience with the plastic surgery in September of 2019. By Christmas of 2019 my fake smiles and bullshit lay discarded on the ground. I was incapable of keeping up appearances as I once did. So while we were on holidays, we were going to see relatives who thought that it was more important to judge us for the fact that our kid played fortnight, than to ask how we were doing. In that moment – total clarity – I decided – wtf am I doing. I see these people literally 2 times in 10 years and I am allowing myself to give a shit what they think of us because? I feel bad because ??? And with that the light turned on. My children are not extensions of me, they are incredible people who get to make their own choices and have their own feelings. Anyone who wants to judge my kids is welcomed, nay, vigorously urged to shove all their judgement where the proverbial sun doesn’t shine, because no one, not one family, has all their shit all the way together. And in that moment I made our excuses, we left and we will not return.

As we have removed the judgemental stick out of our arses it has opened the door for so many conversations and great experiences but it has also opened my ears to things that I may not want to hear!

Last night when my son expressed the anxiety and fear that my recent surgery had caused I knew that it was another parenting moment where I had failed to be there like I wish I had been able to be. I tried my best but he felt alone and that is on me. So today has been a somber day – one filled with reflection, couch hangs and hugs. Sometimes we just make mistakes as parents. Sometimes it’s others that are the issue and sometimes it’s ourselves!

I am hoping tomorrow is a better day and I am thankful for every single chance I get to tell my kids that I love them and to be there for them and for the part that I get to play in their lives.