Last week was one of the worst in my life. One of my kids was in hospital with a heart condition and omg nothing can make a parent feel worse or more helpless! Covid restrictions meant that we couldn’t visit and it was awful!! He is home now recovering but that part of the process has reminded of myself last year and last year something terrible happened in our lives. On that day I felt like I would die. I thought “come on girl, that is a bit dramatic – pull yourself together” and I tried. I tried so hard but something felt wrong. I cried more than I have ever cried in my life. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach and my heart hurt. I mean it hurt like it was actually breaking and the fact is it was…. I had Broken Heart Syndrome.
The link above is the condition that I was diagnosed with. My heart was quite literally broken. It was behaving in an incredibly scary and erratic way. Only medication, rest and an extensive hospital stay put it right again. That experience changed my life.
After that, for the sake of my physical and mental wellbeing, I put certain boundaries in place and they are totally non-negotiable. There are people and situations that I will not be involved with. I cannot be around certain types of drama. I have been called heartless ( ha ha if only people really knew ) and cold and you know what – I am. I won’t apologise for being cold to certain things. I have had to learn to be! The most honest fact is that I simply cannot take on the hurt of everything and everyone like I used to. Some people feel things very deeply and I am one of those people. I have, through a series of painful lessons, finally learned to guard myself.
Drama, and drama filled people who enjoy involving themselves in others lives and that exist to gossip and rip others apart are not in my life. I protect myself and my family from that. I have learned that normal people, people that are just trying to do their best and help others, they are my kind of people. I love to hang out with the dreamers. With the doers, with those who know AND passionately love their purpose and aren’t derailed from it.
I am thankful for what I learned during that week in hospital and for all that I have learned since. I am thankful for a kinder, softer and gentler life. One with my boys, my dogs, my family and friends.
Ps how cute is my baby girl Hela!!