My heart is full to the brim. One of the things I have realised over the last 6 months is that nothing in life is worth strife. I actively seek peace. Peaceful situations, genuine connections and kind interactions. I own that I have not always been this way. The saddest part is that I thought I was in search of peace but I now know that letting go of attempting to control situations is the most freeing way to live. I felt out of control in so many ways and that was the most toxic part of me, how I was and who I was as a person. It has been three years of therapy and I have come a long way in that time. Every day is not easy but it is a vast deal better than how thing were and for that I am truly and profoundly grateful.
There is something powerful about owning our own shit. About going, “yep, this is me – I need to work my own shit out. No one is going to fix me, no one is going to save me and while I may be the way I am because of things that have taken place, I get to choose if it destroys me forever, hurt me and others forever or if I allow it to be the fuel that I need to propel me to make changes.” The great part is that it’s never too late to change and it’s never too late to accept powerful responsibility for our own stuff. I can remember conversations that I had years ago with counsellors and psychologists – they tried to tell me this then but I was still just wanting to blame everything else. Coming through the last few years I have seen that doesn’t work! I wanted someone else to be responsible but I am responsible.
My choices are my own. Did I do some things because I felt pressured ….. yes, but again the choice to feel pressured was mine. It all comes back to me. I am certainly not saying this is true for every single person – sometimes we do not have choices but generally speaking for me I have found that I can choose. What a privilege that is! It is right?! How dare I blame anything else when I do have the power to choose and I best make good choices, choices that prove I am making the most of the ability that I have to change my own life.
So July 2022 is the start of even more changes for me. A more intentional fitness journey and sharing far more of what I do on a daily basis ❤️ so watch this space xx