This was me right before I had my RNY Bypass 6 years ago. I was so fricken freaked out right then! I woke up from surgery in a world of hurt, sick from the anaesthesia and right then the doubts hit me hard!! I could hear the meanie in my head screaming at me “What if I stay fat forever! What if I never lose this weight! What if I die from starvation what if it’s all just a cruel trick” and these silent, panicked feelings continued for the next two days!!

Why can’t I swallow without it hurting? HOLY FUUUUUUUCK dis nooooot normal! HELP MEEEEEEEeeeeeee!!!!!!! I feel like there is a bump in my throat and why is there a stabby pain in my side ……… and surely I don’t need to fart because of pain in my shoulders? What the actual fuck is happening!! I haven’t eaten for 2 days ……. why aren’t I skinny now!! Omg it hurts – am I okay !?”

Me 7 days later “Okay, WTF is happening here!! It’s been a week and I’m still fat! I’m still alive – how is that even possible when all I do is drink?! Surely I am nearly at my expiration date! This is not normal! *staring down into the toilet* And why is my shit the size of something that is squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste? My queensized turd habit has been replaced by this toothpaste shituation! Look at me (poking own stomach) surely there is more crap in there than that ?!? And my breath has started to stink! I reeeeeeeek! Oh my God, I opened my mouth and nearly died from my own stench!! Jack Sparrows C’racken’s got nothing on me!! OMG Be gone from me fat, why did I eat all the delcious things, surely nothing was worth doing this to myself I regret everything!! …..me messaging Damo (admin of BSA) what’s wrong with me, I can’t get much in and I’m not losing weight!! it’s not working!!! Do you think something is wrong??? poor Damo says “the weight didn’t come on over night so it will just take some time it will be okay” then me in my head thinking “ shove that up your bum Damo you clearly don’t know how I feel!! I am all kinds of hungry up in this bitch and you are being all logical ….. !!! (mentally imagining myself flicking him in the middle of the forehead and flipping him off simultaneously)

Day 8 Oh mighty smiter why do you continue to smite me The red plague came the day of surgery (of course it did) and it’s still here! My breath smells like dead things, my toothpaste turds continue, and im just casually painting the town red at the same time! Surely it’s stopping soon – I’ve had an ablation and this is just not supposed to happen and the cramps, omfg!

Me after 3 weeks “Holy shit, can someone explain how I’m still fat!! What the actual fuck!!! All these buttheads in my house are eating and I can’t! Evil family eating KFC and I’m hiding in my room crying I hate everyone and my life is over and I miss food and imma lick 20 honey soy chicken chips” I hate purée! It makes me feel sick! I need variety!! I need to feel the crunch of food again – not slop in a bowl, All the yummy foods are calling me!!! And why am I still fat aaaaaand still bleeding FML

Me at 6 weeks “next person to tell me to trust the process or sip sip sip, imma digitally shank them” I don’t wanna trust the process – the process is fucked! I lost a crap load of weight on pre op and the scales have hardly moved for weeks. Yeah ole mate surgeon probably just dug around in there and forgot to remove enough stomach clearly I am going to be a failure at this. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd still crazy periods with literally 7 days in-between!!!

Me at 8 weeks “Have a boost juice they said, it will be great they said……. first time out having a casual shop at the local k-mart…… first time practicing my arse clenching while running trick!!! That shit looks funny but feels horrendous! Will I make it to the toilet, will I have time to wipe the toilet before I put my arse on it, my internal germaphobe kicks in and I start freaking out until another gut spasm aaaaaaaand I don’t care about the dirty dunny anymore!!! RUN FORREST RUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!! And I made it, with skid marks but made it! Omfg NEVER having boost juice again!!!

Me after 3 months “ahhh haaaa SEE SEE SEEEEEEEEEEE everyone I knew it would work, basically I am a weight loss legend, woohoooo woohoooooo and imma be skinny by next month!! Praising myself coz 1.8 kilos a week down right now Seriously, I knew it was going to be okay all along – no need to panic!

Me after 6 months “Actually now is the perfect time to panic!!! Umm hello!!! What the actual fuck is happening I have stalled!!! I know nothing Jon Snow !!!! I am never gonna be thin, ahhhhhhh!!!!!” What do I do

Me at 7 months ….. holy shit – no energy, can’t open my fricken eyes in the morning. How the fuck did I become deficient in ONE month I took the damn vitamins…. okay not the brand that was recommended but they are all the same aren’t they? …… iron infusion?? What the hell??? Blood tests every 3 weeks okay I’ll take what you say doc.

Me after 12 months “Soooooo how do we get the weight loss to stop coz it kinda needs to!!” And on and on it goes until you eventually find your happy place!!!

This path is not for the faint hearted and it will be difficult at times but it is just so worth it. Eventually you move on from the concerns of the early days and eventually you adjust to your new normal. If it’s hard right now I promise that better days are coming. The key to it all is to be kind especially to yourself. Some of us take longer to get to where we are going than others. Some of us struggle to get things to stabilise and some of us do have a lot of bumps along the way. The key to it all is NEVER give up! Eventually the early days and the troubled days fade and we become used to our new normals.

One day you wake up and you don’t even think about the fact that you have had WLS anymore and you just go about life. Everything changed for me and it took me a long time to get used to it. But it did happen lots of love to you all xx