Community Violations – Nudity

And now that I have your full attention I want to admit that I recently had a video removed from TikTok because I apparently breeched their community standards – Naughty Little Rule Breaker that I am 🤣🤣🤣🤣!!! So after months and months of ummmmmmmmming and Ahhhhhhhing about if I was going to go ahead and do more skin surgery, I finally came to the conclusions that I need to get rid of the excess tummy skin that I don’t particularly want to stay how I am in the longer term. So, of course, It then seemed to be a good idea to get revision on my tummy, my boobs, side boob and to do my arms because they literally wing like in their awesomeness. The excess skin that I have has improved a little over the last 18 months but all in all, to avoid on going infections and skin tears, I do need to sort it. I never had any intention to do more than I have already done but as time marches on I have realised that the skin hurts, pulls, rips and I don’t think it would be wise to stay this way into my older years.

So I have my surgery date, which is April 28 and I am kind of excited about it. Well I swing between excited and full of anxiety and fear. Most of the time I am excited – It feels like a natural next step now that my weight is stable and I am, for the most part, managing my hypos pretty well. I thought “Hey, I could talk about this on tiktok and had been asked by a LOT of people if I would consider talking about it – So I tried. I did a video and as I said above – it was removed for adult nudity. I checked their nudity terms and I cannot see how it breeches them but meh okay! (I will post the video here so you can check it out and see what you think. Personally I think TikTok is body shaming me as a person with excess skin and they can kiss my saggy arse 🙂

So I guess I will stick to good ole WordPress – Perhaps this is better anyway. My words tend to come out better when they are flowing from my fingers and not from my mouth haha!

6th of May 2020 🌟🌟Warning GRAPHIC SURGICAL PIC🌟🌟

We are approaching the 2 year mark! On the 18th of June, it will be 2 years since I had RNY – Gastric Bypass. It has been a strange time. The changing, the growing, the turning into a different version of me. Dealing with the demons in my past and letting go of things and people that I didn’t want to let go of. In short – life is very different. But different, I am learning, can be a gift – it all depends how you look at it. The wonderful thing about choice is that we get the chance to move ourselves from where we are and position ourselves to have every possible chance to make life long changes.

2 years ago, wow, there is absolutely no way that I imagined that I would be where I am at right now. Getting to be an Australian size 4-6 was NEVER ever part of my plan. I had thought that it would be wonderful to be perhaps a size 12-14 if possible. I have enjoyed so many wonderful and unexpected blessings along the way to being a healthier me. Over the last 7 months I have noticed marked changes. Those who know me best can attest to this also. I have tried to put my finger on what triggered it. I have tried to work and reason it out, mostly without success – until I was chatting with one of a hand full of people that I consider to be part of my inner circle. That circle has 6 people in it. They are the people that I trust unquestioningly and that I know, like I know that I know that I know, love me, without judgement and that I talk to nearly on a daily basis. Here is what has come from our talk.

I realised that I have not allowed myself to process AT ALL, the fact that I was on deaths door when I had my plastic surgery last year. I had a radical tummy tuck with mons lift and muscle repair and a breast lift, reduction and fat grafting. Now I know that we can’t dwell on things because that isn’t healthy, but I am damaged by what happened to me and not dealing with that trauma isn’t healthy either. I need to talk about it so here goes.

I guess I knew it, like……… I knew that I was very very sick. But in truth I didn’t want to admit how close I came to not being here anymore. I didn’t want to have to think about any of it!!! I tried to avoid it, however I can now see that it has changed me in the most profound ways. When I was lying in the ICU, surrounded by doctors trying to get lines in to me and keep my oxygen levels from dipping any lower than they already were, they were asking me “Who should we call for you, do you understand what is happening, you are very very calm, are you sure you understand what is happening”. I am scary calm under pressure. When I was young this was NOT the case. But years change people and I don’t get loud or dramatic now. I go stone cold ….. but this wasn’t that – I was awake to what was happening!

In that moment did I understand what was going on? Yes of course I did. I was fully informed of my risks prior to my surgery. I knew that the massive blood vessels that used to feed my fat had not shrunk and that I had an increased risk of bleeding because of it. I knew that I had internal bleeding. I knew that they had to stabilise me before they moved me to the icu and I knew that the nurse looking after me stayed well past the end of her shift to hold my hand until they moved me. She had caught my head the second time I fainted and when I woke, lying in a crumpled mess of blood and my own urine she was still holding me. (Fun fact, when you pass out, if you need to pee …. well you just do.)She also carefully cut my blood and pee soaked night gown off me – it was too far gone to be kept. She reassured me that she would stay with me until ICU had me and she did. So I knew from those things that it wasn’t good. I have had a lot of surgery, been in hospitals a lot and I knew this was not a “usual” thing. Nurses are incredible people, they see that type of stuff on a daily basis and remain caring and thorough in their care. But she was going far beyond normal.

Pec muscles with skin hanging under it
After surgery with fat transfer – 7 months later all of the fat is gone, my body has eaten it all!!!

After the ICU stint and additional surgery was over, I eventually came back to the ward days later and found that my story had preceded me. One of the nurses that had been responsible for my care on the day it all happened, came, found me, hugged me and told me she was so glad that I was alright. I remembered her on sight and called her by name. She said “oh you remember!” I said “Yes, the doctor told me to focus on your faces and not let myself float off!” So that is what I did. There was a long period of time where they couldn’t get my blood pressure to read or find a pulse. That was not great. This was during the time when they were trying to stabilise me. I kept wanting to shut my eyes and sleep but they told me it wouldn’t be sleep if I did that so I had to stay awake.

Those pin cushion times

I knew what that meant. I fought to not let myself float off and tried so very hard to stay with them. Loud shoutings of my name brought me round time and time again. Multiple failures to locate veins because my body didn’t want to cooperate didn’t even bother me, I was being jabbed with needles and I didn’t care. I was fading away and I knew I was. In that moment I made some decisions. I did decide that if I woke up after the emergency surgery I needed to stop the internal bleeding, I was not going to live my life afraid of what people would think of me anymore. I wasn’t going to wear any type of face to please others and that I was going to be kind and assume the best of people no matter what.

So did I understand what was happening? Yes, I absolutely knew and I told the very lovely doctor that yes I understood, and as she held my hand she made no promises – which I appreciated! I loved the fact that she didn’t say to me “oh don’t even worry, you will be fine!” Because I was bleeding out on the inside and I wasn’t fine! I like real and value it when people don’t bullshit me.

An early look at how much excess skin I still had after my tummy tuck – it is worse now. My boobs are empty again and don’t have that amount of fullness as my body has consumed the fat that the doctor put into them when he did the reduction and lift.

No one of my contacts that the intensivist called were answering – it was 1 am so naturally people were asleep, but they were anxious to let someone know that I was not okay. In that moment my mind was drawn to the person that I knew would not answer me and as tears rolled down my face and my heart broke a little bit more than it had before, I knew who would answer me, I called my Dad. When I was a kid and was hit by a car he knew something was the matter and was frantically trying to get info before anyone knew what had happened. The phone rang once and he answered with “hello baby are you okay!” The intensivist was holding the phone to my ear as I said “no Dad I’m not, please keep calling Steve, try to wake someone up. They are taking me back to theatre, I love you Dad I have to go” and with that I ended the call. The doctor finally managed to get my Aramis to answer and he spoke to the doctor and went and got his dad. Steve ran into the ICU as I was being wheeled through the doors to go to theatre. Do they call families in to the hospital at 1:00 am very often? Well I already know the answer to that. They don’t. They had told me that I may be kept sedated – it would depend how things went. I don’t really remember waking up but I know it was hours later and I know that Steve was there all night waiting for me. Then he had to go, after sitting up all night waiting for news of me, to get the boys and drive them to Melbourne to the airport to catch their flights.

When I saw Steve’s face at around 11am that day the look of exhaustion and concern was so evident to me. He had arrived back from the airport to sit beside my bed in the ICU. I just wanted to cry for him. I know what it is like to sit in one of those rooms watching machines and listening for alarms that were going off very frequently. No family nearby to help him and carrying the weight of everything on his shoulders. Thankfully my Dad made provisions to take time off work and flew from the Gold Coast to Geelong to be with Steve and I. Our boys were being loved on by family in QLD and I got to rest, heal and think about all of the ways I would rewrite my story. I was going to really live! No more bench sitting! And most of all, how I would stop pulling my punches. So in that spirit let me tell you that the skin removal and tummy tuck surgery has changed my life and it was worth it BUT it was really fricken hard and many tears were shed over the process of my recovery! I didn’t know I could cry so much or that I would emerge from this so changed.

I am excited for the next chapter of my story. I am looking forward to how the rest of 2020 will unfold. Let’s face it – the first part has been less than ideal but I am getting ready for a comeback story! I am dreaming of days with family and friends, living with intention and purpose, being kinder and more open, taking less and giving more. Xx

POST WLS BOOBS

This is my pre WLS boobs and my post WLS boobs before I had a breast lift and reduction

Let’s talk about post WLS boobies for a minute. In my pre WLS life I sure didn’t take a lot of pics of my chest. It was gigantic, I breastfed 5 kids and they were just the big ole saggy fun bags! Heavy as lead and because of their sheer weight I lived with migraines, sore shoulders and a permanently sore neck and upper back. After my bypass the first thing to vanish was my boobs. They shrunk smaller and smaller at a really rapid rate. In the end, after 97 kilos and I parted ways, I literally had totally empty skin with a nipple attached to the end. My pec muscles were clearly visible and my excess skin flap that was once a breast, hung underneath it. It was depressing.

I had a breast lift, breast reduction and fat grafting in September 2019. Unfortunately my body has eaten 100% of the fat that was grafted and I require additional surgery to rectify a shocking amount of side boob. It would be really easy to feel upset about how my breasts look now I guess (No I’m not posting a current picture of them) but to be honest I don’t care. If I was younger, if I was interesting in what someone else thought of my body then I guess I may care but the fact is, even though I am never going to have perfect boobs – they no longer give me migraines from their weight, they don’t flap when I exercise, I can run for the first time since I was 9 years old and I am not in pain anymore. In a push up bra I look fabulous and out of my bra my nipples don’t point down, so I’m happy. Am I settling? Hmmm I guess perhaps some would say that but I don’t want implants so I am content with what I have. My plastic surgeon wants to put implants in and laughed at me when I said I felt I was too old to have the worry for that. But hey it’s a personal choice and one that I am not comfortable with.

I would NEVER discourage any woman from pursuing her dream rack …. and as long as it’s her dream it’s worth it! I will never do anything to my body because someone else thinks I should. No opinion from anyone else will ever factor in to my decisions because they don’t have to live with the changes – I do. The biggest change that I have had is the one that I did worry about prior to my reduction and lift. My nipples don’t work like they used to. I have one that is ULTRA sensitive now. What I once enjoyed in terms of nipple stimulation in my intimate life now causes excruciating pain. Only one side is like that – it’s disappointing but I knew it was a possibility. If I had taken that risk because of someone else’s opinion or wants then I would probably now feel as resentful AF but I don’t because I did this for me and me alone.

Steve (husband of nearly 25 years and let’s be honest and say that things have been hard for a while between us) believes that it is my body and my choice – I feel like that for him too. When we spoke of breast implants he had no opinion other than it is my body and my choice. The thing I have learned through my WLS journey is that all of the changes don’t necessarily make us happy unless we can learn to really love who we are on the inside. The work we do on that is the most important work of all.

No More Wallowing

There are a couple of things that have been on my mind lately and as always I am wanting to open up a dialogue about them. I can remember when I was first contemplating WLS again back in 2017. This was after my failed and horrendous lap band fiasco at the hands of a surgeon in QLD. I had my doubts that WLS was really going to be a good idea for me and I also wondered how effective it would be in the long term.

I do not jump into things without truck loads of research first. I read medical journal posts, I read the Monash studies, I read the US medical pages, I read THOUSANDS of posts from sites all over the globe (yes I am the info lover)!!! I read posts from normal people, like you and me, who typed things like “60lbs gone forever” “70 kilos gone for good” and I used to wonder, “wow is that true? What makes that true? I know people that have had WLS and regained……. so what is the difference? How do we define success?” On and on and on my questions would go. That rabbit hole does have a bottom but it probably isn’t always popular to talk about.

Eventually I got past asking my 56 billion questions because I was so tired of my life becoming more and more limited by my ever growing size! I also realised that no one, no surgeon, no matter how spotless their reputation, no WLS guru, no body could tell me that I was going live a complication free, thin life for the rest of my life after surgery! I wanted, for years, to not be responsible for my outcome. I was actually looking for some kind of reassurance that bypass or The Switch would be my “golden ticket” and I would be able to keep up my unhealthy relationship with food – just eat less of it. If I am honest, and it is only in the last few days that I have been bold enough to admit that my TOTAL reason for delaying having WLS again after my band was because I was frightened that I would have to change my relationship with food and I didn’t want to.

Finally I got to the point where I decided that any weight loss, however small, had to help! So in June of 2018 I bit the bullet, jumped up onto the operating table and had RNY. Since then I have learned a lot of different things! One of the most frustrating is that there isn’t a standard “one size fits most” approach in the way to walk the journey after WLS. Everyone has different thoughts and opinions – this makes it so interesting but it also can be very scary and frustrating at times. What I have learned is that I cannot eat the same diet I used to have and expect that my results will be good in the long term. What I eat has changed and will never be the same again. I have learned that for me – changing my relationship with food would transform my whole life.

I have learned that food is not my comfort, my treat or my friend, it’s just a tool to fuel my body and I have learned that I have to face my emotional shit and I hate that part!! I don’t eat my feelings anymore. This has been harder than I bargained for but I know it will pay off in the long run. I have also learned that sometimes their are complications that we just have to work through!! I didn’t plan to get as thin as I have so that has taken some adjusting to. But I am grateful for an amazing team and brilliant friend here that support me.

It is not about being a certain weight or a size for me. It’s about knowing how to work with my body, giving it what it needs to be healthy and how to be resilient when the challenges come. It is about keeping in mind the reason that I did this and understanding that I am not a powerless victim of circumstances. I decide how this story plays out so if I am knocked down then it’s on me to get back up. I have been knocked down for a few months now but I am back up again 🙂 I didn’t want to get back up. My heart has been broken and I wanted to stay down and stay hurting. What woke me is I have seen the way that my kids have been broken. The tears of my boys are the fuel that drives me and they NEED to see me get up, so I am! It’s okay to feel a bit lost at times, and it’s okay to say “I need help” it is also good when you can finally see clearly again. We got this guys and I refuse to wallow anymore.

Part 2

We live with ourselves right? Like, I know things about me that NO ONE else knows. There are things about me, secrets that no one will ever know, things that I will take to my grave.

Things like – how many times I sucked Ice Magic directly from the bottle or ate peanut butter out of the jar, how many times I rubbed one out over Patrick in Dirty Dancing, the amount of times I thought about a beautiful girl back when I wasn’t sure if I liked guys, girls or both in equal measure, how often I escaped to the beach to sit and be alone because sometimes a girl just needs to hear the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks 🌊🌊 okay okay sooooooooooo it was more to do with my booty call and his proximity to the beach, but I did like that whole wave crashing thing too ….. I just like the rock hard surfer abs more 🤤😍

Do you remember those days? The care free days? The days when the worst thing that happened was that your best friend didn’t like you at that moment or the person you adored didn’t know you were alive? The days when you felt everything! The teen years!! Heightened hormones and everything that went along with it. Well I have found that the weight loss journey feels a whole hell of a lot like that! Still interested? Then read on my friend, read on.

I remember the day that I decided I was actually going to do this. I was going to turn my life around and have WLS. And just quietly – I didn’t really think that weight loss surgery would work. I had been the unfortunately recipient of a failed lap band that had been removed. I was TERRIFIED of going under the knife again! And things like that worked for other people but they didn’t work for me. The ‘genetic predisposition towards fatness gods’ had not smiled upon me! I was doomed to look like a beach ball with arms, legs and a head for the RESSSST OF ETERNITY!!!!! I was a bit like Pooh Bear …. I was “short, fat and proud of that” constantly “rumbly in my tumbly” and looking for something sweet ……. or savoury …… OKAY OKAY ….. I just LOVED food. But a little idea was brewing on the inside of me. I wondered what I would look like without all of the excess me.

In my adult life I have been fat for 95% of it. And in all honesty it was hard for me to imagine what it would be like to be a non plus size. I didn’t even know what that would feel like! So to help myself focus on all of the good reasons to move forward with the surgery I wrote a list of the things that I would do when I was thin. I was also a little bit intentional about writing things on that list that were for me and me alone. I know that may sound selfish but if you can remember what I was talking about last time – I knew that I had to make this change for me. Yes everyone around us benefits from our lifestyle change but this time it wasn’t about everyone. It was about me.

So I wrote a title for my list MY WHY and I sat and stared at the blank piece of paper and couldn’t think of anything!! WTF!!! It took a couple of days of staring at that blank piece of paper on my desk before I got brave enough to write my first WHY on it – To look gloriously hot in a pair of high waisted skinny jeans! I sat at my desk smirking and laughed to myself but in that moment HOPE bubbled up inside me, the dam broke and out poured all of the things that I secretly dreamed for myself. It’s not selfish to want a better health outcome for your life, it is NOT selfish to prioritise good health, it is not wrong to dream of being unhindered by excess self, of running a marathon, of going on a holiday to a tropical destination without fear of being sweaty and chaffed the whole time, it isn’t selfish to want to see your own genitals or dream of having hot sex up against the wall – but all of those things are just a dream when trapped in a morbidly obese body. So on and on and I wrote! By the time I finished my WHY list it was pages long. I can write a compelling argument – I even convinced myself that this was probably my last chance to ever have my WHY list.

My WHY list helped me overcome my first hurdle, the YOU BAD AND SELFISH WOMAN HOW CAN YOU DO THIS!! My WHY list was more compelling than the thought of WLS being 150% selfish. “Oh but its just so selfish to remove my income from the family for 6 weeks while I recover, and how can I consider doing this to the kids? What kind of monster am I to do something like this for myself? We could use that money for so many other things!” Armed with my WHY list, ever the voice of reason, the one and only Stevie J (hubster and bangable best friend) said “What will the future look like if you don’t do this?” He handed me my list and he smiled at me, kissed me on the nose and left for work! Ummmm what the fuck was that? How does he disarm EVERY single one of my arguments with a sentence? Can I encourage you to write down your WHY’s – Keep them with you. Let them motivate you both before and after surgery. Make sure that they are compelling enough to keep your focus.

So there began my determination to actually do something this time. It wasn’t going to be like every other time I had backed out of something, changed my mind, or just found it all too hard and put it in the “fuck it bucket” and ran screaming the other way. This time I was going to relearn what it felt like to look after myself, I was going to take my health back, I was going to be the me that I was on the inside – on the outside! I was so pumped for about 2 hours!! And then reality came crashing in around me. HOW THE HELL was I going to do this!! Why would it be any different this time? So, armed with the tiny little bubble of self love that was brewing in my heart, kept my WHY list with me at all times and read it a few times a day! That list became fuel to the genuine desire that I had to make steps away from my beach bally self – so I formulated my BE GONE FAT PLAN.

Step one of my BE GONE FAT PLAN was as far as I could go to start with. I had made an awful mistake with my Lap Band Surgeon years prior. This was the part that frightened me beyond words!! I didn’t want to make a terrible mistake again soooooooo. I set myself some Goals. I am good with that kind of thing – business background blah blah. I knew that I needed to be really specific about what I wanted. I needed to give myself a time frame in which to achieve my first goal which was “FIND GOD OR GODESS OF GASTRIC SURGERY” that I can trust to get this right for me. And so the challenge was set. FIND THE SURGEON AND I gave myself 4 weeks to do it!

Day 17 Post Op

It has taken me so much longer to sit down and write this than I thought it would. The trauma of what happened after my plastic surgery is not something that I am going to forget in a hurry and I am still filled with fear and dread when I think about it. Yesterday was a great day. Yesterday I was feeling brave and confident and full of awesomeness over this process and beyond but today I feel very weepy. Its been a huge head game going through this process. I think it has been an even bigger head game than my initial weight loss surgery was. How that is even possible is beyond me but there it is.

Over the last 2 and a bit weeks I have been struggling to work out how I feel about all that happened with my surgery. About the fear that I felt and about how I am still feeling now. Bleeding internally is NO FUN. Fainting and peeing myself was no fun, being covered in blood from where my drain got pulled out was no fun. And watching my blood collecting in the other drainage bag on the other side of my body was not much fun either. In short I think I have been left feeling fairly traumatised by what has happened. So I do apologise for my lack of writing. I am still processing everything and will get back to things really soon xx

Friends

Oh my goodness – my friends have literally been the saviour of my sanity over the past few days. I am feeling a lot better. Coffee and hugs and flowers and just thoughtful beautiful people make my life so much richer!! Oh I love them! I am 9 days post op and I am starting to feel a whole hell of a lot stronger. I can see the light that is at the end of the tunnel and I know that I am no longer going into it! The drains came out yesterday afternoon at my appointment at my surgeons rooms. My wounds look brilliant and I am healing beautifully. These things are huge. They are huge because I have had a hard time healing in the past and I did not want to end up in a bad way due to poor healing. I continue to drink Tasteless Collagen Protein powder and I can say that all of my wounds are closed and even my bruising is going away! That is fairly shocking to me but there it is – aaaaaaaaaaaaaand now for the pictures and a little video that I did earlier because I tend to find that by afternoon I am feeling a little tired. Have a beautiful weekend everyone!

Love Tash xx

Hospital

My hospital admission quickly became something that I NEVER expected it to be. I went in on Wednesday for a bi-lateral Breast Reduction and an Tummy Tuck after my big weight loss. I went into surgery fully aware of the risks because of my former size!! I was first surgery of the day and was safely back on the ward by 11:30 am. It wasn’t long before things went pear shaped and I had one episode of fainting and then 2 hours later another one – while trying to go to the toilet. I woke up surrounded by a team of nurses – my head had been caught in the fall because I was not getting up unaccompanied, but my newly operated on body was crumpled on the floor. From this point things got very scary and the ICU team were called. Things culminated in me going back to theatre at 1am Thursday morning to try and locate the source of my internal bleeding and I am so very thankful that I have been put back to rights and was able to leave the ICU for the main ward at 1 on Friday.

I want to thank every person that has donated blood because without your kindness we would have had a very different outcome in my story. I required a lot of blood and every time I said a silent prayer of thanks that I was in a hospital, in a county where this was possible. I have been so well taken care of and I will never be able to speak highly enough of the incredible team of doctors and nurses that cared and continue to care for me at SJOG Geelong. The one nurse who stayed with me the entire episode until I was with the ICU team and safely able to be moved into ICU made the world of difference. I begged her not to leave me and she didn’t. I was so frightened!

I am incredibly grateful for my family, to my Dad who answered the ICU Head doctors call at 12:30am when no one else was answering. To my Aramis for being the one to pick up his phone in the middle of the night and woke his Dad so that the head of ICU could speak with him. For Steve who made it to the hospital just in time to hug me before my second surgery. For all of the prayers that were prayed for me – my Mum, Dad, Siblings and family – thank you and I love you more than I have words to express.

♥️In it all – I would have been totally Lost without my faith in Jesus ♥️

Now I am just hoping I am allowed to shower today!!!

Before Surgery Photos

We all do it don’t we? Accentuate our positives and downplay the negatives? I know how to dress, I can rock the tiny little jeans, cute jackets and pretty shirts! I can paint my face with the best of them and look pretty good! Hey, I’m 42 (why is Taylor Swift’s 22 going round in my head LOL) and I think that its not all bad news …… or is it!

Last night, in preparation for my surgery, we did my pre op pics. The kind where you stand in all of your naked glory and just let the camera do the rest. I have already done these in the doctors office! (the poor man and his poor nurse)Sooooooooooooo can I just say OH MY FRICKEN GOSH, I am actually not feeling 100% okay today. This was confronting. I am 100% body loving. I think that there is nothing more aesthetically glorious than the human form – in all of its variations BUT apparently I feel this way about everyone else, and not myself! I think big, little, short, tall, slight and voluptuous forms are so intoxicatingly beautiful. People are beautiful – but me ….. weeeeellllllllllllll perhaps not so much! Clearly I know that this isn’t true and I am, once again, confronted with just how deep some of the wounds from my past run. I thought that I was fine with everything, but it turns out that Shrek was right! I am an onion – I have layers – and I found some old layers last night that have left me feeling more fragile than I was expecting to be today.

Please don’t get me wrong – I feel privileged to have had WLS and to have had such fantastic success BUT there is a line – or at least in my mind there was a line. I have a skin curtain and my mons is just really really disfigured from all of this weight loss. I have always kind of disassociated myself from that area of my body. Yes I have 5 kids and yes I have had a pretty great sex life for a long time with the same man BUT I do have a blockage in being able to accept the lower half of my body. So today I have started to panic about how I will look after surgery and what I can expect. I don’t want to have unrealistic expectations but I don’t want to wake up and be disappointed either. I am also having some questions about my breasts – particularly the side boob area. Will that be dealt with. What can I expect. So I am going to fire off an email to my surgeon. I am going to articulate all of my concerns to him and I am going to hope that between the two of them (yes I have two surgeons) that they can perform a miracle because I need one! I will post the pics that I took but I can’t do it today. I need some time to process my feelings around them a little more before I do.