On The Table

Motivation Monday! If you haven’t danced like a crazy girl in a pink wig on a table top and don’t have a rainbow wall and a disco ball in your dining room have you really lived ?? 🤣

You know, this isolation business is hard but for me, it’s the safest thing for me to do. That kick arse, beyond terrified of failing – but still brave enough to do it anyway, tired of being downtrodden, bigger version of me went through far too much to be here in this moment, for me to waste even a single day! I lived a shell of a life for the best part of two decades and I used my size to sideline myself from the fun, the crazy, the silly and the things that I wanted to do! It is hard right now but don’t let our current circumstances suck every bit of joy out of life. You are worth celebrating right now! You have breath in your lungs! You have the power to decide to make the very best of today. I may feel heart broken and I might be struggling but I will not let those things rob me of the joy of living in the moment. Life is full of mountain tops and valley experiences and if you are in a valley – well get on the damn table with me and let hope fill you up. Better days ARE coming xx

Hearts and more Hearts

Since my WLS I have a bit of a struggle getting enough protein into my diet. I have been HORRIFIED beyond belief to learn that generally there is quite a bit of misinformation and misunderstanding when it comes to food and exactly what we are putting into our bodies. I suppose I have become passionate about this particular field because, for so long, I was abusive towards my body. I did not fuel myself correctly and I certainly did not understand the sheer volume of food that I was mindlessly consuming.

Now that my awareness has changed and I am in a position where I need to be very careful to make each mouthful of food count for something I have become a lover of protein hacks! Hands up if you know that the weight of your protein source is NOT THE AMOUNT OF PROTEIN IT CONTAINS!!! I want to cry in frustration every time I read someone making a comment online that they “don’t know why you struggle with protein – just eat 90 grams of chicken and its all good” if that is your thinking please google the following “how much protein is in 90 grams of cooked chicken” and there in lies my problem – My stomach has the capacity of a small tin of tuna about three times a day. If I eat more than that I am sore, sick and uncomfortable 🥵 😣

When my blood tests came back that I was deficient in protein I had to act – that is malnutrition and that is serious. So I started using supplements. I have tried so many! The one that I like the most is Tasteless by Feel Good and I use it in most of my hot drinks, a lot of my cooking and I have started making myself other items that I can just quickly down, that are small, but contain a good protein hit.

I saw these protein Gummies on Bariatric Support Australia page on facebook and I have fiddled with the recipe until I have it working for me. So this is what I do.

For this recipe I used 125 ml of boiling water. The packet of Jelly (use diet if you are watching all of those naughty carbs) and dissolved it in the water, then two scoops of Tasteless Protein Powder and whisked it and then I added a spoon of gelatine and whisked it again. Don’t try to speed through the stirring – it takes a bit! And then into the fridge! Yum Yum

Tired

I have done a lot of things for a long time with other people in mind. I kept thinking – life will be better when…… When I have finished my diplomas, when I lose weight, when I have skin removal surgery, when I can get the job that I want, when, when, when ……. and the reality of that type of thought train is that it never actually pulls in to a station. Have you noticed that you never actually arrive at the destination of promised nirvana? Perhaps it’s just me? That is actually very possible because I have always been highly driven. However, I have come to realise that I HAVE TO SLOW DOWN. I have to take time to look at the things that truly matter in my life and learn to appreciate them while I have them.

Lately I am tired. This is me honestly unpacking the last few months. September 2019 was skin removal surgery and the recovering from that was more horrific than I anticipated. My post surgical complications have caused me to develop PTSD….I already had mild anxiety issues so it’s been HARD. I don’t like to talk about this stuff. Actually I hate it because it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t want to be vulnerable but the truth is – I am.

2019 was a struggle on every level for us and 2020 hasn’t really been much easier. There are wonderful bright spots but there are some huge unknowns that gnaw away at me and from time to time I find myself falling in a heap. I am in a heap today. I am adulting because I have to, I am out doing what needs to be done because I have to but inside I am on shakey ground. Steve requires medical intervention for an injury which is a massive deal for us. It worries me and it makes me feel very helpless as I can’t do more than I currently am doing.

Physically I am often asked how I am doing. Anyone that has seen me in person of late will know that I am very thin. Thin is not the problem. Thin/normal BMI/healthy was the goal, I am at the bottom end of the healthy weight range for my height so I am okay in that department. What is more concerning is the malabsorption of nutrients, the low blood pressure, and the continual battle to not have my weight dropping because I have been doing a physical job that causes me to burn more calories than I can consume. I’m not whinging, I accept responsibility for the choices that I have made and I know that my life, to this date is the sum of my own decisions. But it has been challenging in so many ways.

Speaking of decisions – Some of mine have been brilliant and others have been horrific but hey, that’s half the fun of life isn’t it? I am always reminded by my psychologist and by good friends, to “look at the positives in life” so today I am looking – I have my magnifying glass out and I am trying to find those positives. Actually they aren’t that hard to find – even on the hard days. Even on my shakey days! You know what I am going to call this the last paragraph for the day. I could keep writing but sometimes unpacking needs to be put aside for a bit!! So I am going to go find some sun and sit in it and just be a person for a while. Thanks for reading

Love Tash

Food Files

This is a reoccurring theme in the WLS community and honestly it seems to greatly divide many us post op. What Should I Be Eating?!?! Why the hell isnt there a standardised plan? What do I do now that 60-90% of my stomach is gone??

Anyway these are my personal thoughts, I would love to hear yours also. For ME personally, I do not believe in eating smaller portions of the same stuff that made me fat. How can I hope to believe that I could eat the same kind of things and stay slim in the long term? At 17 months post op I am well over 90 kilos down from my highest ever recorded weight and I know what works for me. It’s taken time but this is my way of life now. It was not easy! It was a rude awakening! I felt like my best friend was ripped out of my life – I had an unhealthy relationship with food. That’s how I knew that I needed to change my ways.

My rude awakening came at 4 weeks post op when I was lying literally on the floor crying because I couldn’t eat something that I wanted 😳 ….. overreaction much? But at that time I was just so fricken salty over it all! That’s when I realised yep, Gastric Bypass alone isn’t going to fix this. I have to change. That change was slow. It took time and re-learning things but I knew that I was worth it! We all are.

So now I count calories, and I know the nutritional information on everything that I regularly eat. It’s not to be obsessed – my lack of education about my poor eating habits pre op got me to were I was. At 143+ kilos I had no idea about portion control or what I should have been eating or I would not have been that way to begin with. I can be honest and own it because it’s true. It makes me sad to remember back to that, because I honestly didn’t think my eating was that bad! I do not want to be there again. It doesn’t mean that I never exceed my calories for any given day, but it does mean that I don’t believe that food is a reward – I don’t treat myself with food. I am not a pet to be trained.

Yesterday I went out with my husbo and I had a few drinks and a bit of “hardly ever” food. Lemme loose in Lindt ♥️ And gingerbread balls are just a little bit too amazing 🤣 We had fun, it was great but the time with him is what meant the most. To me food is a fuel – it’s not good or bad – it’s the choices I make consistently around it and what I choose that will make it either good or bad for me. This is what I chose for my dinner.

The reality of this for me is that at my highest weight – when I could hardly wipe my own arse, couldn’t walk for more than 2 minutes without feeling sweaty and breathless and had constant body aches and pains – I NEVER WOULD HAVE gone to Melbourne for a half a day and legged it around with hubby or gone to a concert! I would have been too scared That I wouldn’t fit into the seats, too afraid of having to walk up and down stairs, to embarrassed that my body would make it difficult for other people to walk past me in the aisles and too ashamed to eat in front of others – my life is now full of rewards that I can enjoy every day. Things like seeing U2 live 💗

Since RNY, I’m not trapped in my self made prison and I won’t put myself back in it. But hey I am just one person and this is just my point of view – so let’s talk about it. There isn’t right and wrong with this – it’s about our lives long term. That’s why we do this right? For the long term benefits – so how do you achieve your success long term? That’s really what we all want to know …… Can this work for me in the long term. So let’s talk about that – it’s a conversation that we really need to have. So awesome ones, much weight have you lost, how far post op are you and what do you do to stay on track … on your track not anyone else’s 💗💗💗