The Long Game

I vividly recall sitting down right before my weight loss surgery thinking, “I am very sure there is no way that this is going to actually work in the long term.” I had been morbidly obese for most of my 41 years at that point. I could not fathom what it would be like to live out my days in a body that was smaller. I was genuinely frightened of what it meant to have my excuses removed and to not be able to use my weight as an excuse to hold myself back. That was one of the most challenging aspects of everything for me! Grasping the fact that my life was about to change in a massive way.

Change can be daunting, terrifying, wonderful and every other thing rolled up into one. But what is even more scary – staying as we are. Last night I was talking with a person in a big weight loss support group that I help to run and they are scared. Scared to make the choice and I feel it right down to the very tips of toes. That fear that grips you and makes it hard to breathe, and even harder to think!! I felt it so keenly before my surgery. How could I even consider spending that much money again. I already failed with lap band! I felt that I was unworthy of the financial risk. I felt that I was unworthy of the chance to live my life without the extra kilos of it meant that my family would be financially burdened in any way. When the belief finally sparked inside of me I was still so frightened but I was ready to walk out the journey of what my life would be like if I removed my biggest excuse.

Being big had been my reason to avoid so many things and suddenly I was taking my life by the horns. I can remember staring into my bathroom mirror a few weeks before my surgery. I had been called a fat C$&@ by my boss that day at work when they didn’t know I could hear them and I looked myself in the eyes and said “no one else can save you, only you can do this” and repeated that over and over again to myself until after my surgery was done. Please know that you are the hero your story needs. You so have that inside of you. You may not think it is heroic to lose weight but I can tell you there is nothing braver than someone who is powerfully determined to change their life. You are the hero that your story needs. Don’t wait for someone else to come along – you can do it. You and only you get to have the final say. That day when I got up onto the operating table I started something that continues unfolding in my life. Our story is still being written so let’s write it well xx

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Someone that decided enough was enough and believed that she could change her stars.

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