Going Home :(

That went far too quickly. Vacations/holidays ALWAYS DO! My heart hurts at the thought of leaving all of our loved ones behind on the Sunny Coast and heading back to the frozen south. It’s enough to make my blood turn cold and I know that I have already started to frost my heart over for the journey. I have learned some things about myself while I have been away. 4 weeks is a long time. It was long enough for me to completely come to terms with the fact that I really haven’t let myself LOVE Geelong like I probably should. The reason? Well it is pretty simple really – there is a part of me that will always want to be here. Here I am surrounded by just about everyone that means something to me. Here is where our families call home and here is where I have kind of let myself feel things again for the first time in a long time.

I suspect that I may lose it for a little while when I get back to Geelong because I just don’t have the same family connections that I have with my peeps here. I am so blessed to have amazing friends and I am profoundly grateful however I had TOTALLY forgotten how it feels to go out and not be thinking about your kids because you know that they are totally fine with their family looking after them. I had forgotten what it is like to have other people say, “hey can I help you with that” or “we could do this” or “come over, lets hang out.” GOD I have MISSED IT.

I have learned that I have filled my life with busy to avoid feeling empty and unwanted and that is probably something that I really need to do something about this year. 2019 broke me in every kind of way and I am glad for the lessons that I have learned. 2020 will be the year of the come back. I am not sure how it is going to look just yet but I will work that out as I go. More socialising, loving my chosen home town harder, growing my friendships stronger and making down time a priority would seem like a great starting point.

To everyone that has made time to come and see us while we have been here, for the meals, the cuppas, the beers, the wines, ciders and well you get the picture, for the happy times, the love and the joyous feeling of being cared about – gosh I thank you. You have done my heart good. I needed it so much and I love you all more than you can possibly know. I am already counting the days until we come back.

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Someone that decided enough was enough and believed that she could change her stars.

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