Lifting the lid

I share small chunks of my life here. Usually my weight loss surgery life things. That surgery and its on going effects are probably the most impacting thing on my own situation and life but I feel like this other story runs along side of it.

When I was 14 years old, we were told that all was not well in the area of my hormones. I was told that I may never be able to have children. I was told that I had cysts in and on my ovaries and a whole heap of other things that would be a lot for anyone to deal with but they really were a LOT for a teenage girl. At that point I did know that one day I would want to be a mother, but I don’t think that the full implications of what was told to me at that appointment really sunk all the way in for many years to come. I was very fortunate that I would go on to have 5 incredible children, who I love dearly.

But there truly is this other story that has always run alongside of my weight and it is the one of my periods and my hormones. When I lift the lid on the period story, it started for me when I was just 9. I was clearly early to that party! Precocious pubertyish? Particularly back in the 80’s, when girls were not getting their periods that early. Mine were horrible from the very beginning. Always, ALWAYS heavy and cramps like you wouldn’t believe. If we fast forward through the years, I would be married and would fall pregnant fairly easily, but the heavy periods persisted except for 4 blissful months after Mr. 19 was born ……. and then they were back with a vengeance. When I say back with a vengeance, I mean 10 – 12 days of very heavy bleeding every month. Never being able to use tampons because I would flood them within 10 minutes kind of bleeding. Multiple packs of monster pads every single month, horrific cramps etc.

When we fell pregnant with our last baby we thought it would be great because no periods for a while but I bled throughout the whole pregnancy. By the time he was born I was bleeding non stop and when he was 8 weeks old I had to have surgery. I had a massive ovarian cyst and there was concern about the lining of my uterus. A few months later I would have an ablation. That is when the lining of the uterus is burned. This works in a very high percentage of women. It did not work for me and my periods continued.

They were slightly lighter for a few years – until I had weight loss surgery and then Oh my god they took off again. Recently they have been lasting 20 days with 10 days in between. Prior to the weight loss surgery I didn’t have to battle the iron issues (except while pregnant with our last child) but now I was thrust into my own fresh hell. Finding myself unable to move some mornings and my iron levels couldn’t stay at the correct level, even with infusions and religious iron supplementation.

3 Weeks ago I saw my gynaecologist and last Saturday he removed my uterus and my tubes. I called my weight loss surgeon to ask him if I should expect weight gain and he said nope, my ovaries are staying so not at all. So far I have been asked if I feel empty, I have been asked if I feel old now, I have been told that I am going to love it, told to buy white pants and never worry again and I have been told that I will feel like it is the best thing I have ever done. I am still waiting for those euphoric feelings to come. I woke from surgery and felt pretty good until the nausea started and the babies started to cry – yep they put me in the maternity ward to recover. That stung, more than I would ever admit to anyone face to face. I don’t want pity for it but fricken hell, that cut. People have also said “oh just wait for grandchildren” and thankfully my own mum said to me “sweetheart it isn’t the same don’t listen” hahaha I love her so much.

I know people want to talk to me about it and ask me how I feel but I am not ready for that yet. I would rather make jokes about my red raw arse from the reaction I am having to the antibiotics and just pretend that everything is okay. Sooooooooo hopefully in this instance I can fake it till I make it!

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Someone that decided enough was enough and believed that she could change her stars.

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