A long goodbye

If you have read my blog then you know that I said goodbye to my darling Poppy in January. I was in church, lamenting my attendance, when the phone rang. It was my brother and I KNOW he wouldn’t call me on Sunday morning unless there was a very good and probably not nice reason. I headed for the toilets at church to return his call but didn’t make it there before I collapsed against a wall and felt like the very life had been sucked from me. Pop was getting ready to pass and they gave it 12 hours.

We left church early, Steve swung into action booking flights which for some reason made me angry. I knew I wouldn’t get to see Poppy again. I knew in my heart that the 12 hours was wrong. I knew that once Poppy decided he was going, he would just go. I told Steve, “Don’t worry about it, it’s too late he is gone!” I felt it – I was right – he left this world in that moment. We still did get on a plane and go to Queensland. I knew I wasn’t going to be attending his funeral. But I also knew that I was going to celebrate Pop and remember him in my own way.

We returned to our home in Victoria, and one by one, all of us except one of the boys came down with covid. Unfortunately One of my sons and myself have long covid and have both had pneumonia. It has been a bad time! However, in the midst of all of the awkward, heartbreaking moments, in the times of grief and sorrow, there has been wonder and beauty and new beginnings and resilience too. I have found things in myself that I simply didn’t know where there!

I am so thankful for new beginnings. I am so grateful for my family and for those who have been there for me and mine through the first 6 months of 2022. In those 6 months I have grown. Growth can be uncomfortable and it is pushing into the unknown but I am really comfortable in that uncomfortable place now!! I am back studying again. I am working, I am doing family life and most of all I am trying to be the person I know my Pop believed that I am.

Right now I am on a plane to Queensland once again. Work and family and laughter and love will follow. I don’t share those moments online but good things are afoot. Good things are happening and I am here for it!