Today I have been thinking about my inner fat girl – can I be brutally honest and just say that she has been that part of my self talk that has screamed the loudest over the years. I am not at all ashamed of her or the way that she perceived life. It’s the part of me that was rejected for a major performing opportunity unless I lost weight – rejected in front of hundreds of people and it was 16 kilos I had to loose ……….. I was 10 years old.
It’s the part of me that did loose that weight and then ended up with anorexia and then bulimia. The bulimia I went on to suffer from until I was 34 years old. It’s the part of me that couldn’t believe it when Steve fell for me! And then the rumours started about why we were getting married – No I wasn’t pregnant – I was just not thin!
It’s the part of me that would always come up with a way to blame my size for missed opportunities, and forgotten dreams. The part of me that was terrified of rejection so it was easier to not put myself out there.
This journey has taught me that I CAN drown her out without eating a single thing! I am hoping that the further along we go, the quieter her voice will become! What would my life be like if I really believed in myself? What would yours be like? Anyway that’s my constant question these days and the more I ask it the quieter the self deprecating voice has become!! 😁
And I posted this picture because I have to remind myself that I am no longer the chic in the black dress! When I opened this shirt today (I got it with an order I did for the boys) I picked it up, looked at it and decided then and there that it wasn’t going to fit. It looked like it was too small and perhaps I would try it again in a few weeks time. But then I remembered that part of me that I didn’t want to listen to was firmly in control of what I was thinking. I ripped the tags off and put the shirt on and it fit! A shirt from a non plus size shop fit me. It’s a good feeling 🤗