t changes everything. Weight loss surgery has changed everything.
People have said that “we are what we eat” – today that would make me an Vietnamese Rice Paper Roll – but in truth, those words are startlingly accurate.
I was eating my feelings. Eating my stress and eating my anxiety. I did not eat chocolate, chips and fried food. In fact I would eat gluten free toast and an egg for breakfast, skip lunch and have my dinner at night. That night time dinner would now take me a week to eat. I now know why I wasn’t able to budge my weight. My night time meal was out of control. Even the right things can be wrong when there is too much of them. And not only was I filled with food, I was filled to an excess with toxic pain that I had been unable to let go of.
I would come home and prepare our evening meal and slowly feel my anxiety melting away. Food asked nothing of me and in return I loved it without reservation. I know that’s pretty screwed up. And working through the issues surrounding food and body image is very confronting when I can’t use food as my way to make myself feel better.
As the kilos have come off I have been able to associate my gains in weight with times and moments in my life and oh how revealing that has been. I am finding that as I loose weight my confidence is returning. I have also realised that many of the excess kilos I have carried have names that I can associate with them, traumatic events in our life and other things that have happened – I had memorialised my personal pain in fat. I ate my pain and my heartbreak. I ate my anxiety and my fear and with each kilo that comes off I am feeling unburdened.
The challenge now, is to work out how to live with the new passion and confidence that I feel. Without eating my emotions I tend to write them and I have no doubt that when I am allowed to go to the gym, that I will lift them. Old ways won’t open new doors – so now I am standing at new doors working out how to open them. Look out world 😁
This photo is just a little snap from this morning – when I put on my brand new jeans from a not plus size store – a normal store – a normal 16 and they fit me ☺️😁☺️ my stomach may not be in great shape (tummy tuck in my future!!) but heck YES to cute legs – thanks Dad LOL #wls #gastricbypass