In the last 14 months I have learned a lot of things. Not all of the lessons have been fun to learn! One of the most heartbreaking lessons is that I used food as a coping mechanism 100% of the time for 40ish years of my life. Everything that I did revolved around food. I didn’t mean for it to be that way – but it doesn’t change the fact that it was that way. I have so many regrets that I have had to deal with. Making birthdays, holidays, important celebrations and Christmas about food and not about people. This was so wrong and my heart breaks when I think about how I lived, how I didn’t realise how sad it was and the fact that I can’t get back those lost years with my kids. In all honesty, I fucked up in some pretty big ways.
Weight loss has deconstructed my fatness and my arrogance at the same time. I am heart broken for my mistakes but hopeful for my future. I have learned that facing your demons is easy when you just look yourself in the face and see yourself for who and what you are – the good, the bad and everything in between.