Yesterday was absolute shite for me. There is no nice way to say it. It just was. I won’t go into details about it because once was enough, but I am NOT going to edit myself here either. After a situation on one of my personal social media accounts I am now a whole lot of people lighter because – well its like this – I was inboxed by a number people I haven’t seen for years, and was on the receiving end of fairly abusive messages, accusing me of harbouring views on a social/human rights issue that I do not have, and was told that I am things, which I am not. I know the areas in which my weaknesses and shortcomings exist. I have no need of my perceived shortcomings being pointed out by people that don’t know me. I actually steer clear of arguments that elicit these kind of emotion filled responses in people. Life is too short for it – It really and truly is. I have PTSD and need no help when it comes to triggering anxiety. Anyway it became pretty obvious that these people don’t know me and therefore we shouldn’t be connected on facebook – we no longer are. Bullying messages are a dog act – dismount that religious high-horse and let’s have a conversation, because I am always interested in people. I did have a couple of conversations and those were fine.
I guess it must be different for people reading along with the tiny snippets of my life. Some of the people reading this blog have known me since I was born. Others have not, so for those that don’t know my background, I was a church pastor for a long time. We gave up full time pastoring when we fell pregnant with our 10 year old and stopped being involved in church leadership all together 3 years ago. Over the years, yes, I have changed. I do not care what the “institution/mechanism/organisaion” thinks of me. I’m unshakable in my beliefs and values around what truly matters – if I was going to be shook – well I would have been by now. Nothing and no one can ever take those away. The difference is that I don’t do the “church leadership pathway” 3 step anymore! The power teat suckling has ended for me and I was never so glad! If that stuff matters to you – well ………I’m sorry?🤷🏼♀️
If I was to use religious terminology, I suppose it would be said that I am going through a wilderness experience 😂😂😂😂 or perhaps if we want to use the labels, I am potentially a backslider (Backslider is also a totally delicious cocktail – This long, refreshing mix of bourbon and ginger is punched up with fresh lime and soda.
- ¾oz Fiery Ginger Syrup
- 2 oz bourbon whiskey
- ½ oz Campari
- 1 oz lime juice
- club soda
- Shake all but soda with ice for 5 seconds
- Strain into a highball glass filled with ice
- Top with soda and garnish
- orange slice
Aaaaaaaaaaanyway if I am to use my terminology – I’m happily serving people in a totally different capacity and still get to outwork the values and beliefs that I hold dear to my heart. I love what I get to do. I have many beautiful friends both in and out of the church with those values. I have been very open in sharing my current pain without going into details publicly and that will continue to be my stance – I know that I am not the only person that is having a hard time. However, I am meant to be avoiding stress at the orders of my cardiologist. So if you are reading this and think that I may need to be told off – save it. I promise that there are people in my life that I have given permission to do that with me and they will get in my ear if I need it. If you aren’t one of them – well its probably not a good idea to try at the moment and I mean that in the kindest way.
Yesterday was also stressful for another reason Covid-19 fall out.
In Australia it feels like the measures that the Australian Government are taking may be “too little too late” I am sure that there are places in our big beautiful country where the panic buying, social gathering restrictions and social distancing laws would seem completely crazy. But the fact is that every single segment of Australia will be touched by Covid-19. We are living in unprecedented times. Churches have moved to online modes of delivery. Famous entertainers are taking to their socials to lift the spirits of the masses for free. Mums and Dad’s are trying to make sense of how they are going to continue to work through this crisis time. Families are grappling with ways to protect their precious elderly darlings. Immune compromised people are doing what they have to do to still function and face the days ahead with the knowledge of what can happen if they aren’t careful. Times of gathering together as families and friends to celebrate special milestones are being cancelled or put on pause.
It is our sons 18th birthday next weekend. We have been gearing up for this celebration for months. We are excited for him. He is a wonderful human being. He is fiercely loyal, caring, quick witted, crazy clever and sassy. I love that he will call bullshit on something if it is what he believes. I love that he is rock solid and unshakable in terms of what is important to him. And I also love that he is passionate about the future. He, his brothers and their dad are the people that have helped me to grow the most over the past 2 years since my WLS.
We had family coming from the other end of Australia to be at the party, but leave was cancelled due to Covid-19 so they were unable to come. And as the weeks have passed and the gravity of the situation becomes clearer our beautiful boy called his Nanny to ask her to stay home. He knew that she would come, she has never missed a single birthday of our kids. He knew that she would come, even potentially to her own hurt, so he called her and told her that he loves her and Grandpop and that it would be safer for her to stay home. It hurts all of us, but we know it is for the best. Our Prime Minister has hinted that additional travel restrictions may be announced in the coming week, ahead of the school holidays which could put an end to any family being here for his birthday. We all know that these things are necessary and we will do whatever must be done because that is the safe thing to do. But it doesn’t mean that we just forget how wonderful it was when we did not have this looming threat creeping through our population. Stay safe everyone, be kind and remember that everyone is going through something xx