It’s been a long few days in Geelong. Holding myself together while I do not feel like I can has been hard. I am tired. It has been months since I slept well. The last week has been one of the most pressured we have had in a long time for so many reasons.
So, I am not feeling okay right now!! I feel like falling apart a little bit!!! Death and loss and surgery all in one week produces big emotions for those big and small in our house. I can feel myself crumpling and I can’t afford the time right now to crumple under the pressure.
I am also really tired of judgemental people. When I was fat, people didn’t talk about my size to my face – well not usually. But the strange thing that happens when you lose excess weight is that everyone is suddenly an expert on what your health issues “clearly are” and what you should and shouldn’t be doing and they will say it to your face. This is odd. Unless you are numbered in those that I have given permission to say whatever they like to me it would be foolish right now, to do this. You will know if you are one of those people because I will have said “Say whatever you like to me” …. I have decided that the next person to message me via my socials, telling me what I should and shouldn’t be doing with my own body will be told to deep throat a cactus …… and yes, I did and do mean that 🤣. There is a boundary there – even someone like me does have those!
Once again someone was rude to me while we were out doing grocery shopping. I am sincerely sorry that people are triggered by my thinness but so tired of being abused for no reason except that I like to read food labels before mindlessly dumping food in my trolly. So after that, I decided that I was going to come home, finish preparing my slow cooked lamb shoulder, enjoy a tiny dinner, a glass of wine and an early night. I let my frustration at the week that was, spill from my eyes as I sunk into the comfort of my lounge. I reminded myself that I can’t fix all of the things that have broken my little boys heart. All I can do is love him.